My mother wants me to wear her wedding dress; how do I refuse without hurting her feeling?

Special to CTgetsMarried.com

So let’s just say you have had your wedding dress picked out before you were even engaged, you have been dreaming about your perfect wedding since you were 12, but your mother now wants you to wear her wedding dress. What to do?

There are a few ways of getting through this tactfully. One: You can start by saying to her that you understand and appreciate that she is offering her dress as a way of fondly remembering her wedding day and wants to share that good feeling with you. Then explain to her that you want your own wedding dress to make brand new memories of your own. Two: Follow up immediately by asking her if you could please wear her jewelry, veil or another type of accessory that she wore on her wedding day. And perhaps suggest one of the options below.

Other options:

Tailor your mom's dress and wear it to your rehearsal dinner, shower or as your going away outfit.

Have some photos taken of you in your mother's dress; do this at some point leading up to the wedding and then present the photos to her as a gift.

Basically, because the dress is a huge part of the wedding for most brides, although you obviously want to keep your mother happy you need to be ecstatic about your choice. At the end of the day she is your mother; remember that she wants the best for you and for you to be happy on one of the most important days of your life. Tell her “no” with respect for why she’s offering, involve her memories in others ways, and she’ll get over it in no time!

As a modern side-note to this question, recently a young woman asked me the following: “My mother is getting remarried soon. Can I offer her my wedding dress as her ‘something borrowed’?” Absolutely yes! It should be okay to lend the dress in either direction, as long as it’s requested!

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