Like A Dog Trying To Eat Soap Bubbles

Weddings are a lot of work. So much work, in fact, I asked my editor to push the deadline for this column back to the end of the I can spend my days off working. Business hours are reserved for angry phone calls and bathroom cry breaks. Last night I spent an hour and 15 minutes trying to figure out how to change the font of my wedding invitations from Gothic to English Script, and every time I tried clicking on this floating edit tab it kept disappearing.

I felt like a dog trying to eat soap bubbles.

We decided on a toile background print, instead of my first choice, which was a piano note ribbon wrapping around a light pink rose. Jamie asked me which Microsoft clip art gallery I used for inspiration. I asked him if he wanted me to lay out his dress for his meeting the next day, since he's becoming such a woman about everything.

Speaking of dresses, I ordered the wedding gown, which hasn't arrived in the boutique yet despite a delivery date of March 15. I thought as a backup, I could wear my high school prom dress, if I lost 12 pounds and scrubbed off the stain from the powdered brownie I ate that night.

Since we're getting married in California, I won't even have a chance to taste test the wedding cake before I buy it. That's why I went with chocolate and vanilla--to avoid the sandtraps of fruit (no one really likes lemon anything..the ones who say they do are just lying, to make people think they're above the trashy standard desserts. It's not like we're serving elephant ears--- although that's not a bad idea).

 Then there's the photographer. And we really want to get this right since we're skipping out on the engagement photos. Let's not pretend we haven't seen the albums a million times before. The couple walking on abandoned railroad tracks, horsing around inside a tobacco barn, or holding hands on the side of an old painted brick building.

Blocking the hotel rooms is like laying money down at Foxwoods. I put 20 on the family friendly resort, 10 on the hip waterfront spa, and 30 on the Hyatt. If the rooms don't fill up, you pay the cost. And you have to know a month in advance. I'm just hoping I don't come away from this with no chips and a drinking problem.

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