New Bears coaches, new Bears system, same Bears lousiness

It was hard to figure out which unit looked worse in the Bears exhibition opener: the offense or the defense.

Linebacker Pernell McPhee was supposed to represent violent play of the Bears’ new 3-4 defense. He sure talked big, salivating over the chance to hurt someone entering the exhibition opener.

And he still might get around to playing that way, but the most violent movement Thursday was the Bears’ heads as Dolphins gashed them.

McPhee lost outside contain for a big gain, applied no pressure in general, and then jumped offside on third-and-goal to give the Dolphins another shot, which they converted for a TD one play later -- all on the first drive.

How much did he cost?

The one encouraging thing from the first-string defense was drawing holding penalties. Other than that, it looked like nothing changed as the first-string unit failed to stop the Dolphins during a 14-play drive that started at Miami’s 15-yard line.

Come out of there, Mel Tucker. We know you’re still in there.

But hey, at least the first-string held Ryan Tannehill under a 140.0 quarterback rating.

So, Shea McClellin can get blocked and stay blocked in a 3-4 defense as easily as he was in a 4-3?

Brock Vereen, meet tackling. Tackling, meet Brock Vereen.

Brock Vereen, meet coverage. Coverage, meet Brock Vereen.

Raise your hand if you’re surprised Vereen wasn’t cut by the second Miami possession.

Jared Allen wasn’t awful.

Was Kyle Fuller drafted for coverage or what?

A.J. Cruz returned a kickoff to the 20. That might earn him a spot on this season’s roster. Last season the Bears would’ve retired his number.

The Bears first-string offense went three-and-out on the first drive. But Matt Forte and Alshon Jeffery didn’t play, leaving Jay Cutler without his best running back and receiver. I guess it’s a victory that the drive lasted three downs.

Jordan Mills was flagged for a false start before the Bears’ first offensive snap and a five-yard penalty derailed the second drive against Dolphins backups. It’s oldies night, ladies and gentlemen.

If you can guarantee me that Jacquizz Rodgers gets to run regularly against second-stringers, then I think the Bears have something.

Wait, Will Montgomery false-started? The center doesn’t know the snap count? The center?

The Bears’ first-string offense crossed midfield against the Dolphins’ second-string defense. So there you go: The Bears can set a goal of crossing midfield against the Colts’ first-string defense next game. It’s good to have a goal.

Leverage, Hroniss Grasu. Leverage.

Pat O’Donnell and Robbie Gould apparently will fight it out for team MVP.

Sherrick McManis broke up a third-down pass by breaking on the ball. Can he teach that to Fuller?

Marc Mariani broke a big punt return early in the second quarter, but it was brought back after Demontre Hurst was flagged for a block in the back. Should anyone coached by Joe DeCamillis still be around?

Linebacker Sam Acho sacked a backup quarterback and then celebrated without blowing out his anterior cruciate ligament. I believe that counts as improvement.

When Alan Ball wasn’t holding, the second-string secondary actually covered well enough to force Dolphins backup quarterback Matt Moore to scramble. Naturally, he scrambled for a first down.

And then the Dolphins third-string quarterback started completing passes and Jimmy Clausen’s two-minute drill died without timeouts, without getting out of bounds, without a field-goal attempt, and I was late catching up on Denis Leary’s new show.

Dolphins CEO Tom Garfinkel told a Miami TV station that “The opening drive told the tale why we’re so excited.’’ Um, did Garfinkel know this was the Bears?

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