Mobility-challenged Jay Cutler or offensively-challenged Jimmy Clausen? Seriously?

The most important position on the field, and the Bears' choice is injured, bad or unknown. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

The Choice (and remember, death is not an option):

Jay Cutler with one hamstring or Jimmy Clausen with one career win?

John Fox remains secretive and/or unsure about the Bears starting quarterback against the Raiders, and I’m thinking, I hope he chooses to go with one this week.

If Cutler’s hamstring doesn’t allow him to throw his regularly scheduled game-turning, soul-crushing interception Sunday, then David Fales should start against the Raiders because why not. It’s that kind of season.

And maybe Fales will get the start if he introduces himself to Fox.

The Bears coach said this week that he would start anyone on the 53-man roster because that’s why they’re on it.

But Fox also said he doesn’t know Fales because he hasn’t worked with him due to Fales’ injury and illness.

So it doesn’t sound as if Fox would start Fales. It also doesn’t sound as if Fox would have reason to want him on the 53-man roster. Why does this happen? How? I guess I’m having trouble connecting these dots at the most important position on the field.

Maybe the quarterback-challenged Bears felt it was enough of an endorsement to give Fales a roster spot because the Patriots tried to sign him last December.

Even if Fales were to show worse Sunday than Clausen, I still think you have to find out.

Because we already know enough about Clausen. Mommy, make it stop.

Doesn’t Fox already know enough about Clausen? Geez, the Bears coach had him in Carolina, and even if that wasn’t enough, then what has improved?

I’ll hang up and listen for Clausen holding the ball too long. Again. Still.

So, for those of you keeping score at home, that one quarterback the Bears tried to trade, another quarterback who has never won a road game, and one quarterback the coach doesn't know but gives him a roster spot anyway.

In other words, for those of you scoring at home, that's nyuk, nyuk and nyuk.

Remember when Bears general manager Ryan Pace said he wanted to draft a quarterback every year? Good times.

Which of the Bears’ two offensive plays run in Seahawks territory was your favorite?

Clearly, the Bears offense means Pat O’Donnell has to do a better job of making his punts bounce off opposing players more obviously.

Aaron Rodgers has gone three years without throwing an interception at home. Cutler couldn’t go a week.

In other quarterback news, Henry Burris just set the Canadian Football League record for completions.

Fox said the Bears “need to generate more than zero points.’’ Always good to have a plan.

Fox also said it “wasn’t part of the plan to not convert on third down.’’ Always good to execute the plan.

If the Bears can avoid a delay-of-game penalty before their first snap, I’d say the week of practice was a success.

The Bears waived safety Brock Vereen on Tuesday. They would’ve done it sooner, but they had to wait until he finally caught up with Jimmy Graham.

The. Kickoff. Coverage. Team. Is. Just. So. Slow.

And undisciplined. Don’t forget undisciplined.

It’s incomprehensible that the Bears could be both. You’d think the one benefit of lacking speed on the coverage team is those players would be too slow to run out of their lanes.

But no. The Bears have shown themselves to be too slow to cover kicks, but fast enough to lose lane integrity. That’s some trick.

Using players evaluated and approved by Pace and Fox, Jeff Rodgers’ special teams unit has allowed return touchdowns in consecutive weeks, an NFL first. What an honor for the NFL’s oldest franchise, huh?

The kickoff coverage unit, if kickoff coverage isn’t an oxymoron yet with this bunch, is allowing opposing teams to return kicks an average of 46.9 yards. The Bears would be better off telling Robbie Gould to kick it out of bounds. Do the math.

But wait. There’s another thing about the Bears’ lousy kick coverage unit:

It reflects the overall lack of speed and ability on the roster.

The kick coverage team generally is made up of defensive players, and you’ve seen how the Bears defense has perfected the trail technique. That’s what the Vereen cut was all about.

You can be slow or undisciplined, pick one, but not both. You can stink on defense or special teams, pick one, but not both.

The Bears used this week’s roster roulette to bring in special teams players. Someday, they’ll fill the bottom of the roster with fast, smart defensive players who will make special teams better as they compete for a starting spot on defense.

Until then, I’d kick out of bounds.

If right guard Vladimir Ducasse holds on to his job this week, I’m thinking it won’t be the only thing he holds this week.

Following the trades of Phil Emery’s waste of money known as Jared Allen and Emery’s failed draft pick known as Jon Bostic, former Bear Israel Idonije tweeted this definition:

#Emery’d

[M-reed]

verb(used with object)

1. to demolish: ruin; destroy, annihilate

2. To put an end to a good thing

Tweet from Bears kick returner and future radio programmer Marc Mariani before his segment with Lin Brehmer on WXRT-FM 93.1 the day after the 26-0 loss in Seattle:

“The more @Cubs talk the better at this point!!’’

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