Two recent dispatches from the Word Front:
>>Trivializing Trouble — Many readers tell me they wish the ubiquitous phrase “gone missing,” and its recent variation, “went disappeared” (Ugh!), would go missing from TV news stories. They detest the term’s inelegance and overuse.
I deplore it for yet another reason. To my ear, “gone missing” conveys a jocular, folksy tone that trivializes serious events. Cellphones, pens and keys can “go missing,” but not people, airplanes and nuclear missiles. For such events, verbs such as “disappear” or “vanish” seem more suitable.
I also cringe when I hear the media use the lighthearted terms “mishap” and “spree” to describe grave events. Collisions, crashes and mechanical failures that maim and kill people are not “mishaps.” And “killing spree” seems to equate a murderous rampage with a joyful romp.
>>Can’t Cant — In a recent article for the New York Times Magazine, Amanda Hess described the proliferation of the phrase “I can’t even” among teenagers and young adults.
“I can’t even,” often shortened to “I can’t,” is a truncated version of “I can’t even express how overwhelmed (or surprised, impressed, happy) I am.” It’s the latest version of “OMG!”
The King of “Can’t,” says Hess, is popular YouTube personality Tyler Oakley, who, in one video, said: “I can’t even. I am unable to even. I have lost my ability to even. I am so unable to even.” (Question: If someone “can’t even,” does that make him “odd”?)
Always quick to exploit the latest teenage slang, several companies have already incorporated the phrase into their online promotions. Cap’n Crunch cereal tweeted that it “just can’t even with this right now,” while Taco Bell tweeted that it “literally can’t.” Meanwhile, Charmin responded to a twittery love squeeze with “We. Can’t. Even.”
In fact, the use of “too-intense-to-tell-you” phrases has always flourished in English, e.g., “I can’t tell you how happy I am;” “Words can’t express my surprise;” “I’m speechless!”
Likewise, we’ve always used shorthand expressions to withhold or suppress information: “You don’t even want to know”; “It’s a long story”; “I don’t even want to talk about it”; “Don’t get me started”; “Don’t go there;” “Don’t even say it.”
These “Don’t ask-can’t tell” phrases can transcend age differences. I’m imagining this conversation between a teenage granddaughter and her grandfather:
She: I can’t even!
He: You don’t say!
