Now, self-awareness has never been Hef's strong suit, and maybe he goes by the maxim that there's no such thing as bad publicity. (How else do you explain "The Girls Next Door"?) But even a 15-year-old boy would find this movie to be a chore.
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If "Miss March" possessed at least one decent idea, it would be tempting to think that it's intentionally parodying the vapidity of the Playboy "philosophy." Certainly, its portrait of the plastic people populating a Playboy mansion party is rather damning. (Apparently, it's easy to confuse the Champagne with dog urine at these events.)
But Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore, who wrote, directed and star in "Miss March," make the film into an unfunny wish-fulfillment fantasy for adolescent boys afraid of girls. It's "Weird Science," only our heroes can sit back and relax because the plastic surgeon already has done all the work for them.
The story has nice guy Eugene (Cregger) getting drunk at his high school prom, falling down a flight of stairs and landing in a coma, just as he was about to lose his virginity to his hot girlfriend, Cindi (Raquel Alessi). When Eugene wakes up four years later, he discovers Cindi has moved on -- to the pages of Playboy. And here he is, atrophied, incontinent -- and still a virgin!
Action must be taken, so Eugene's lewd-and-crude best friend Tucker (Moore, doing a bad "Ace Ventura"-era Jim Carrey) piles him into a station wagon for a road trip to the mansion. Along the way, they encounter some very angry firemen, make fun of epileptics, pick up a couple of horny Russian lesbians and meet a former classmate (Craig Robinson) who has become an unlikely rap superstar.
The boys' Tweedledum and Tweedledee act wears thin after about a minute, which is unfortunate, since there are no memorable supporting characters to pick up the slack. Cindi, a.k.a. Miss March, remains a cipher, given less screen time than Eugene's bowel problems.
The best line comes when a bodyguard socks Eugene, saying, "It sticks in my craw when people disrespect women." Again: Self-awareness, anyone?