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Mike Church

Mike Church

The Right Twist on the News

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Election 2012 Can Be Explained By Styx Albums

Election 2012 Can Be Explained By Styx Albums

November 7, 2012

So the most important election in the history of important elections is over and the winner is... the status quo.  Matter of fact, had the Presidential race turned for Mitt Romney the status quo would have still been victorious with the larceny that is our government being committed by the Republican instead of the Democrat Party’s CEO. Still, every four years, the American sheople are herded into what amounts to a collection of the rock band Styx’s old albums.

  • The Fools Errand That Voting Obama Out Ends All Our Problems

    November 6, 2012

    Today is election day 2012, a day that was dreamed about since election day 2008. For many, today is a payback for the election of President Obama; a chance to right the wrongs he has visited on our quaint, well behaved, peaceful, frugal little republic.

  • The Saints Are 46 Today, What Sweet Misery They Have Given Us!

    November 1, 2012

    It was 46 years ago today that the NFL awarded franchise number 25 to a group of New Orleans area investors. That day the then States Item newspaper announced a contest to create a name for the team. Immediately, the leading contender became “The Saints” which seemed justified because the franchise award came on All Saints Day. Still, nearly half of the soon to be Who Dat Nation opposed the name suggested by one William W. Dykes1.

  • Madonna Endorsement Is Only Latest Sign of Our Ba-Roquen Culture

    October 30, 2012

    The date was October 25th, 1804, after performing a “bring down the ale house” version of Amadeus “Motzart’s Eine kleine Nachtmusik”, the Pauper, Minuteman, Dirt Band’s leader yelled at the still cheering crowd “how many of you are registered to vote!? Great, you’re going to go out and vote to re-elect President Jefferson aren’t you!?” The Federalists in attendance booed wildly while the Republicans cheered their approbation.

  • Only People That vote For Obama Vote For Obama

    October 25, 2012

    It used to be that in order to get labeled a "pinko commie" you would actually had to have done something commie-like. This could entail marching with the ACLU outside your kids' graduation that was to feature an opening prayer or maybe joining New Orleans Councilwoman Dorothy Mae Taylor in helping bring down the private, all-white krewe of Comus.

  • Louisiana's Second Amendment is Fine, Our Governor & Legislature Aren't

    October 23, 2012

    On the ballot for Who Dats this Nov 6th is yet another Amendment to the LA Constitution but this one comes in the form of a NEW, improved, “2nd Amendment”!

  • Teachable Moments To Be Acquired by Not Enrolling at UNO

    October 18, 2012

    The Who Dat City’s media is all abuzz over the news that UNO’s enrollment is down by 800 students (1). LSU, LA Lafayette and LA Tech were also affected by the state legislature’s wise decision to drop - as in cold turkey - remedial courses for freshman from the state’s “Institutions of higher learning”.

  • The U.S. Sinks In A Tide of Red Ink While New Orleans Builds Better Dikes

    October 16, 2012

    Tonight at Hofstra University there will be an event that is labeled a “debate” but is more fairly characterized as competing infomercials.

  • Beer Summits and The Most Thankless Job On Earth

    October 11, 2012

    Tonight, Vice President Joe Biden - or “Joey” as he goes by these days - and Rep. Paul Ryan will “debate” for the world, Heavyweight Underachiever Championship also know as the Vice Presidency.

  • What do PBS supporters think we are, unified thinking, Chinese communists!?

    October 9, 2012

    Who ever could have imagined that Big Bird would have to don a flak jacket and learn to fire an M-16 or operate an Abrams tank in order to survive?

  • The morality of Federally subsidized sweet tea

    October 4, 2012

    If there is any truth to the adage that “misery loves company” then a majority of the New Orleans Saints fans must be connecting with President Obama today as both the Saints & the President are winless in their respective seasons.

  • Presidential Debates: To Light Torches, or Torch the Lighters?

    October 2, 2012

    At the start of every Olympic Games there is a torch lighting ceremony featuring a torch that has been carried around the planet by various athletes and dignitaries. The ceremony makes the start of the olympic games official and adds some aura of tradition as well.

  • The Saints Woes Are The NFL's Woes But The NFL Has Better Lawyers

    September 27, 2012

    By now, nearly every pundit this side of Barcelona has asked the question “What is wrong with the Saints this year?” I would ask the question “what is wrong with the NFL this century?” instead, and probe the actual issue to its core.

  • An Open letter to Mitt Romney aka How Mitt Snatched Defeat From Victory's Jaws

    September 26, 2012

    Dear Mitt,

  • The Feds Cannot Stop A River Run or Gulf Running Through It

    September 20, 2012

    “We need a federal levee system, and if we don't get [it] Braithwaite won't exist anymore.” So the words came from local rescue hero1 Jesse Shaffer who is credited with saving 120 lives during Isaac.

  • How She Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The O-bomb-a

    September 18, 2012

    So Rep. Jeff Landry is running for re-election and the Times Picayune’s constitutionally-hapless doyenne has a deadline for her editorial, mix the two and voila! Say hello to Stephanie Grace’s, graceless embrace1 of President Obama’s deadly, unconstitutional treachery in Libya.

  • When bailout money leads to the biggest bailout of all time

    September 13, 2012

    When in Rome do as the Romans do or as we might say in 2012 Louisiana do as the Madoffs do.

  • If You Saved A Dollar Bill on 9-11 To Commemorate The Loss, You've Lost 35% of Its Purchasing Power

    September 11, 2012

    Today marks the 11th anniversary of the attacks on 09/11/2001 and today marks the anniversary of another event we would do well to avoid: the 4th consecutive year the General Government has run a budget deficit that exceeds $1 Trillion.

  • Are you whining about the $16 Trillion debt? Then stop demanding FEMA subsidize life in Hurricane Alley!

    September 6, 2012

    I just learned that Governor Bobby Jindal is pining away1 for the Federal Leviathan to pick up more of the $116 MILLION tab for damages caused by Hurricane Isaac in addition to the 75% that FEMA has already paid. The state meanwhile has kicked in a measly $16 million and Jindal thinks it should end there.

  • It's Hurricanes Huey P And Franklin D That Caused Your "Extended Powuh Outage, Dawlin' "

    September 4, 2012

    Residents of Southeast LA, angry at the Entergy Corporation for lengthy delays in restoring their electric power after Hurricane Isaac knocked it out, should take their anger out on Hurricane Franklin - as in Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

  • The Pirates of Plaquemines or Who's That Knockin' on my Corps?

    August 23, 2012

    In September of 1786, Confederation Congressman John Jay was to make a treaty presentation to the Congress that would settle navigation claims to the Mississippi river. The treaty was made with Spain and was negotiated with the infamous ambassador Don Diego de Gardoquis.

  • Don't Use Public Money To Buy Right Or Left Wing Fried Chicken Dinners

    August 21, 2012

    Louisiana’s one of a kind school voucher program is now in effect and judging by the howls of righteous indignation coming from the usual suspects on the left it must be working. Times Picayune columnist Jarvis deBerry informs us that “Public money is now being used to send children to private schools … and taxpayers deserve to know … that it isn't merely funding a right-wing belief that the government can't do anything better than the private sector.”

  • Put The iPhone Down and Slowly Back Away

    August 16, 2012

    We have all been standing in line at the grocery or drug store and had to endure some loudmouth yelling at his Aunt Petunia over his iPhone. We have all wondered why some people bother to eat at dine-in restaurants when they should be at Best Buy gnawing on fast food with faces buried in the True Blood, 2nd season, DVD display.  The sad truth is, most of us have yet to divorce our formerly relax-ful events like dining from our stressful events like tech support for relatives. Doesn’t that defeat the reason we enjoy restaurants and martini bars so much?

  • "NCAA" ... There's no "Academics" in that title

    August 14, 2012

    So the saga of LSU’s permanently-suspended Tyrann Mathieu continues to descend into the “college football as prep for the pros” abyss. To talk about this subject will also require some discussion of the conduit for the pro mindset: ESPN.

  • Caveat Emptor When The NFL Is Offering a Compromise

    August 7, 2012

    I have always told my radio show audience when they confide that they believe their favorite sportscasters are “conservatives”, two words: Keith Olbermann. When they wince and say, “yeah but that’s a one off” I say two more words: Rush Limbaugh. Recall the on-air crew at ESPN couldn’t WAIT to dance around Rush’s grave, dug with Donovan McNabb overreactions. If they protest a third time I will now say Johnathan Vilma.

  • A Hizzoner Is Needed To Restore Some Honor

    July 26, 2012

    I just stopped laughing long enough to bring you the good news from Gallier Hall: The Federal Government has arrived at the NOPD and they are here to help! Apparently, what has been plaguing this crime addled city is a lack of  “cultural sensitivity” running through an “aorta of corruption.” This I gleaned from reading the bleeding-heart doyenne of the Digital Times Picayune, Stephanie Grace.

  • Will Christian Bale Give Back His American Psycho Awards?

    July 24, 2012

    Last March, my 15 year old daughter asked if she could attend the midnight screening premiere of “The Hunger Games” movie.  I agreed, never once thinking I may have been sending her to the most dangerous place on earth: The multiplex. After last Friday’s  shooting rampage in Aurora CO at a midnight premiere screening of the new Batman movie I pondered the question again and asked my self what I would say next time?

  • Will 2012 produce a hero or day to remember?

    July 19, 2012

    When the history of this year, 2012, is written, what issue will be the focus? Who will be the heroes and who will be the scapegoats? Will there be a date that future generations celebrate every year because of something we do in this one? Well, the answer to the date question is: it won’t be because there was a lack of opportunity.

  • Our Emperors Have No Clothes (or Money)

    July 17, 2012

    Here is shocking headline number 1 “Louisiana faces cuts in its $7 BILLION Medicaid program”. Here is shocking headline number 2 “This will have a devastating effect on the people served”.

  • New Orleans ... Where the streets have no pave?

    July 12, 2012

    The mean streets of the French Quarter are about to get a makeover courtesy of the brokest broke nation in the history of broke nations and a road building scam called “Paths to Progress” which is more appropriately titled “Paths to Insolvency.” The program promises $65 million worth of repairs1.

  • Jonathan Vilma-Federalist?

    July 10, 2012

    When Who Dats ask me why I persist in promoting and explaining Louisiana as a sovereign state and the “federalism” that comes along with our voluntary membership in the union, I will now answer: Johnathan Vilma.

  • What Is Independence day For If No One Celebrates Independence?

    July 3, 2012

    Tomorrow marks the 236 anniversary of the original 13 American states declaring their Independence. I wanted to see whether anyone may be reading the Declaration of Independence aloud on the Northshore so I ran a Google search for “Independence Day, Covington LA”.

  • 5 Men That History Says Were important But Never Played For The Saints

    June 28, 2012

    On the 28th of June, 1776, 5 men strolled into Philadelphia’s Independence Hall with a document in hand. While most Americans today can name 10-15 members of their favorite football or basketball teams how many can name those five? Oh and the document was? The Declaration of Independence although not the one you are familiar with today.

  • Can Diseases Say "No" To Self Appointed Crusaders?

    June 26, 2012

    Last night, Curt Sprang1 filed a report on a slew of ads at New Orleans bus stops asking if “cat lovers, hipsters” and “people with tattoos deserve to die?” 

  • Revolving doors, toy funds and impotent fifth columns

    June 21, 2012

    In the ABC TV sci-fi thriller “V” the bad guys are sinister alien invaders who masquerade as friendly beings by day but who are lizard like terminators by night. The only earthlings wise to their “take over the world” aspirations are a small band of truth seekers nicknamed “The Fifth Column”.

  • Slapping the word "Conservative" on a TV show will not fix the culture

    June 19, 2012

    Glen Beck, in a shrewd marketing move, is challenging the domination of Fox’s “Glee”1 and plans to produce a conservative alternative.

  • Ron Paul's Movement Could Lead To Arms ... Voting Aye Or Nay

    June 12, 2012

    In June of 1776 events were in motion that would eventually shape the identity, politics and principles of the people of these United States. Today in June of 2012, 236 years later, events are again hastening to a conclusion that will bear on the future.

  • What You Think You Know Can Really Hurt You

    June 5, 2012

    When someone tells you “what you don’t know can hurt you” I think that is sound advice, but allow me to add another similar adage: “what you think you know can really hurt you.”

  • If A President Has A Secret Kill List He Can't Be A U.S. President

    May 31, 2012

    The Monday edition of the New York Slimes blared the headline “Secret 'Kill List' Proves A Test of Obama’s Principles.” This of course assumes that OUR principles matter not, seeing as how our royally “elected” dictators cannot locate any restrictions on the extent of their powers in the Constitution. Constitutions aside, I have to wonder just what kind of “freedom” citizens of these United States actually enjoy if under orders issued by our “President” we can be “neutralized.”

  • Memorial Day: A Lot More Than Hot Dogs & The D-Day Museum

    May 29, 2012

    Most folks think of Memorial Day as the day that kicks off summer or the day that the great-American-hot dog notches its first outdoor cooking of the year. For those that commemorate the holiday with solemn remembrances of Our war-dead this is mostly confined to wars of the last 75 years: WW II, Korea, Vietnam and most recently Iraq & Afghanistan. While these wars certainly deserve their well earned, somber Memorials they are not exclusive.

  • When A Hundred Million Dollar Day Isn't Worth Reporting

    May 24, 2012

    When the debt bomb explodes and the economy REALLY tanks you will probably run into people on the street asking “hey brother can you spare a million?” Far fetched? You may think so today but that means you’re not reading the news.

  • The State Of The City Speech Mayor Landrieu Should Have Given

    May 22, 2012

    Today, New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu gave his “State of the City address.” The following is what he should have said.

  • 80% Of Something You Are Entitled To 100% Of Is Not A Bargain

    May 17, 2012

    A few months back I threw out the idea that this fuddy duddy little document here, the U.S. Constitution, gave the State Courts near exclusive power over any cases concerning foreign countries and a state. I was told that the Constitution didn’t matter because the Editors of the Times Picayune and some publicly funded marine biologists had oil scarred dolphins and turtles to care for.

  • You Are Not Saving Money When Leviathan Pays Your Light Bill

    May 15, 2012

    They say sunlight is the great disinfectant for our public affairs, how strange then that sunlight is actually at the root of so much recent public corruption. And I am not just talking about Solyndra as the American sheople now gleefully participate in generational theft too.

  • Our Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World aka What Is A Pre-k 4 & Why Am I Subsidizing It?

    May 10, 2012

    ¿In the 1963 comedy film “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World2” an ensemble cast goes on a frantic search for loot buried by a bank robber. The mob finally gets the loot only to have it showered over a parade watching crowd. That pretty well sums up the American version of self government these days, governments go in search of loot buried in citizens wallets, dig it out for a specified purpose and then watch it showered over crowds it was never intended for.

  • Landrieu: The King of The Mystically Imbecilic Krewe of Tacchzuss

    May 8, 2012

    I thought I had heard almost every ridiculous, self-serving justification for government intervention in markets and then along came New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu’s scheme to “fix” the New Orleans economy by raising taxes on it. 

  • Vilma & Smith Save Their Brains From The No Future League

    May 3, 2012

    The No Future League or NFL is at it agin, this time throwing the folly of a new collective bargaining agreement back into the faces of Saints players who just 3 months ago were so eager to live under it.

  • Happy 200th Birthday to The Country of Louisiana 1812-2012

    May 1, 2012

    Yesterday, 30 April 2012 marked the 200th4 anniversary of Louisiana’s membership in the Union of these United States of America. The front page of today’s Times Picayune blares out the misinformed headline “200 years after joining the nation, Louisiana…” blah blah blah.

  • Louisianians can restore their Republic ... but 'dey gotta vote

    April 26, 2012

    There is an election going on this weekend in LA that few people know about and that is a shame. What turns the shame to an outrage is that this election has profound implications on how this state and maybe The Mobocracy we let pass for a union is governed. It is called the Louisiana Republican Caucus*.

  • What You Should Know About Fleet Week & Church Bells

    April 24, 2012

    The War of 1812 bicentennial kicked off in New Orleans during last week's "Fleet Week." On Monday, the battleships from 6 countries sailed down the Mississippi River to the Gulf of Mexico from whence they came to the sound of tolling church bells. Though the bells were mentioned in several media accounts, no one bothered to tell the story of WHY they are significant to a city once so steeped in Catholic tradition.

  • Drew Brees Is to LA What Jeff Daniels Is To Michigan (oh, and he plays pro football too)

    April 19, 2012

    For 3/4 of United States history we operated as merit based communities. The adage of "working hard and playing by the rules" was last used by Bill Clinton and coined by American novelist Horatio Alger who wrote that success was achieved by "…honesty, thrift, self-reliance, industry, a cheerful whistle and an open manly face."

  • Mordor On The Mississippi: State Chases Imaginary Threats, Ignores Real Ones

    April 17, 2012

    Memo to State Representative Frank Hoffman: Canadian researchers claim to have evidence that bicyclists may suffer heart irregularities if they ride near automobile traffic which is almost everywhere cyclists ride.  But the most terrifying health news of all is that drivers in heavy traffic have even heavier exposure to poisonous car exhaust. Hoffman and his Druid cohorts in the legislature should therefore act immediately to “this known health risk” and move to protect this state’s citizens from car exhaust in traffic by requiring a mandatory, 50 foot distance between bumpers in traffic if not banned altogether.

  • Thank You For Smoking, Eating Hubig's Pies and Elmer's Chee Wees

    April 13, 2012

    In a letter to the Times Picayune, Ochsner-New Orleans CEO Dr. Patrick Quinlan waxes Hyppocratic over the "healthcare costs" that accrue to Louisiana smokers.

  • Constitutions Don't Kill Liberties, Liberals Do

    April 3, 2012

    You have to give Liberals some props. Their tenacity in promoting the "progressive" point of view on issue after issue, over decades, is admirable if not neurotic.

  • Beauty In The Eye of Hurricane Holder

    March 29, 2012

    One of the things that modern conservatives have forgotten to do is to stop, enjoy, then support the good things in life. We are instead trained from political birth to think of everything in political terms.

  • ObamaCare -- Severing the Final Thread Connecting Us to the Founders

    March 27, 2012

    Seeing as how the earth has stood still awaiting the SCOTUS ruling on the constitutionality of Obamacare, I thought a refresher course in what's at stake may be in order.

  • The NFL Can Suspend Payton But Can't Buy Their "Integrity" Back

    March 22, 2012

    Last night I played the game of NFL Clue and guessed that Saints Coach Sean Payton did it; in the locker room with an envelope containing $5,000 cash. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell says I won the game but the Who Dat Nation says no, Goodell did it, in the league headquarters with a 1 year suspension.

  • When parents finally demand REAL school choice we will all benefit

    March 20, 2012

    Let’s get one thing straight: the term "public schools."

  • LA Votes To "Restore" The Good Ol' Boy Network

    March 15, 2012

    Well those high fallutin', English-accented louts at BP are learning that if you want to do business in the United States you have to do business with her politicians; and while much of the Gulf South, Louisiana included, is doing joyous cartwheels down Canal Street, sipping Dom Perignon purchased with BP extortion payments, I provide the only sane voice in the room yelling "Stop! Treading on thin, unconstitutional ice!" As if that mattered to anyone, anymore.

  • One "Gambit" Every Citizen That Values Their Liberties Ought to Take

    March 8, 2012

    When NWAT was profiled by "Gambit*," writer Mark Allman noted that my "typical" feature went something like "The ultimate education choice for parents is ending public education." This is as clear a thought on that beaten subject as I have seen on TV or in print in 2 decades, but "Gambit" isn’t known for straying from "the State is God" and the "citizen should obey their bureaucratic overlords" plantation so I can forgive the dig and cheerily serve up another "typical" rant:

  • The Grass Is Always Greener Over The NFL's Septic Tanks

    March 6, 2012

    That NFL Commish Roger Goodell has got some nerve. Nerve enough to have subjected hundreds of millions worldwide to the lewd sexcapades of Madonna, M-I-A, Fergie, Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson but now his league has grown a conscience over the practice of "bounties" paid to Saints defensive players for allegedly inflicting injuries on opposing offenses. Brett Favres bobos will heal but the collective damage done to the public's threshold for good taste by Goodell/NFL sanctioned "half-time shows" will not.

  • Shakespeare, New Orleans and Floods That Lead To Fortune

    March 1, 2012

    In Julius Caesar, Shakespeare wrote "There is a tide in the affairs of men that when taken at the flood leads on to fortune." Shaespeare must not have met very many New Orleans resident in his day who may argue about the fortunes brought on by floods but if Senator David Vitter has his way there may yet be a fortune to be gained from preventing a flood.

  • Will the Postracial President Make Way For The Post Bankruptcy President?

    February 28, 2012

    The 05 November, 2008 cover of Newsweek Magazine contained a story titled "President-Elect Barack Obama: A Postracial President Who Should Focus the Country on Race." The title stuck and before long the President's staff was throwing around the term "postracial" and, just as John Kennedy launched us on a quest for a moon landing, so Obama launched us on a quest for color-blindness.

  • Obama Makes A Bad Economy A Tremendously Bad Economy

    February 23, 2012

    If it is possible, President Obama has exceeded his previous record for economic nitwittery.

  • The Louisiana Purchase Was For Land, Not Votes

    February 16, 2012

    Hello Texas, Virginia and Montana ... and thank you for buying medical services for us Cajuns and Coonasses! Oh, and thanks for contributing $2.5 BILLION to Senator Landrieu's re-election campaign.

  • Dino's Drink Was A Prop, Whitney's Pills Were Not

    February 14, 2012

    Don McClean famously wrote a song that made the life of Buddy Holly a legend called American Pie; this leaves me wondering if there will be any such effort to canonize Whitney Houston after her tragic death Saturday last.

  • A Real Case of Separation of Church & State

    February 9, 2012

    It is always informative to watch the stories today's news media decides are BIG stories and then to dig a little and find that there are actually much BIGGER stories. Let’s look at  the recent universal outrage expressed at King Barrack and Duchess Kathleen Sebelius' royal decree that Catholic institutions must purchase contraceptives for their female employees.

  • The NFL's Production Of Super Bowl-a-palooza Is Disgraceful

    February 7, 2012

    Before the Material Tramp could even be seen at the start of Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show, I knew there would be trouble.

  • The Ultimate Education Choice For Parents Is Ending Public Education

    January 31, 2012

    Governor Bobby Jindal, meet Governor Scott Walker of WI. You two seem to have some things in common.

  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished ... On Earth

    January 26, 2012

    The national news media has been blaring out the tragic news of New Orleans’ “Good Samaritan,” a young man who intervened in an attempted car-jacking, being shot to death for his efforts. Some are saying that this event shows that “no good deed goes unpunished.” Gee, someone better get over to St. Patrick’s and alert Jesus, he may not have received the memo.

  • They are called the GIRL Scouts for a reason

    January 24, 2012

    When Judge Potter Stewart famously remarked that he didn't know how to legally describe pornography but he'd know it when he saw it he was saying that old men of the 1960's had never seen what any young adult with a web browser now sees routinely.  Stewart could not have imagined what young children now see as routine: transgendered 7-year-olds.

  • Drop the road construction taxes and make Louisiana "The Toll Road State"

    January 19, 2012

    You will probably spend as much time today contemplating the status of LA's "infrastructure" as you will reading Anthony Bordain's Twitter feed. So pardon my intrusion into your Travel Channel quality time with this announcement: our roads and bridges are not fit to travel on, our levees are leaking and about to collapse and your drinking water is about as safe as a 14 point lead with the Saints defense on the field.

  • Swiss Cheese Never Had So Many Holes In It

    January 17, 2012

    We have all had 3 days to give sober reflection and contemplation to the mind boggling collapse of the New Orleans Saints defense Saturday night in their playoff loss to San Francisco. After 3 days I have concluded that it stinks as bad today as it did Saturday.

  • Loose Cajun Cannons Do Cajun Conservatives Proud

    January 12, 2012

    If you saw Bobby Hebert's performance at the post-Sugar Bowl press conference Monday night, you now know why guys like me are NOT in politics. Because I would deliver chastising monologues to misbehaving politicians and THEN ask them a question I might already know the answer to.

  • Are Curfews & Carding Adults Acts of Law or Racism!?

    January 5, 2012

    When I go to  purchase a bottle of Jim Beam, the clerks behind the counter perform the most insulting, blatantly discriminatory thing ever: they ask for my ID to prove my age. Why, of all the nerve! Oh, and here’s another one: in Mandeville, at 1:45 a.m. my favorite pub tells me to pay my tab and get the hell out saying “closing time is 2:00, by law, and you gotta go!” Well hold on Nellie! I wanted to stay until 6 a.m. but nooooo, some stupid curfew has to rain on my dreams of beer at sunrise.

  • It Costs Too Many Chickens To Attract A Few Wolverines

    January 3, 2012

    2012 in New Orleans begins with an Olympian spirit, Olympian as in sports not as in gods.

  • The Story Of Christmas in New Orleans And Bethlehem

    December 22, 2011

    Christmas is now upon us and as we prepare our hearts and homes for the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior maybe we can take a brief look at how we got from Bethlehem to here.

  • Louisiana's budget woes prove we're not 'smarter than a fifth grader'

    December 20, 2011

    Four years is an awful long time. It is the length of time Americans must suffer mightily under President Obama. It is a little more than half the time it takes married couples these days to develop that nagging itch that keeps divorce attorneys driving new Hummers and it is the number of years the LA State Government's budget has been out of balance.* Gee I wonder how that happens!? Can you say "spending problem?"

  • Kool & The Gang, The Hornets And A Season We Should Call Christmas

    December 15, 2011

    Back in the day before “Honey Badgers didn’t care” and famous citizens of New Orleans were looking at HD video cameras saying “I’m In” people said things like “Merry Christmas” and “God be with you”.  These expressions have been replaced by the ubiquitous “Happy holidays” or contracted to “goodbye” and though I’m sure most folks are sincere when they say them, their passions to back up that sincerity are firmly lodged with the October to May residents of the New Orleans Arena.

  • Kool & The Gang, The Hornets And A Season We Should Call Christmas

    December 15, 2011

    Back in the day before 'Honey Badgers didn't care' and famous citizens of New Orleans were looking at HD video cameras saying 'I'm In' people said things like 'Merry Christmas' and 'God be with you'. These expressions have been replaced by the ubiquitous 'Happy holidays' or contracted to 'goodbye' and though I'm sure most folks are sincere when they say them, their passions to back up that sincerity are firmly lodged with the October to May residents of the New Orleans Arena. I'm truly amazed at the dedication on display from the locals to save the hometown basketball franchise and have to wonder what else similar minds could come together to save outside of the sporting world if the slogan were clever enough.Who Dat's have famously pledged to 'Save Our Lake' and to 'Eracism' while the Lake was never in danger of going anywhere and the only thing 'eraced' [sic] were a few nouns from certain people's vocabulary. Where are the slogans to 'Save Our Boys Club' or 'I'm Not In - Because Abstinence Before Marriage Rocks!?' Or how about 'Christmas In The Oaks'!? Alas, New Orleans gains far more media adulation for fielding sports teams than it ever aspires to gain from sporting Elysian Fields. But the city has recently engaged in a debate for the ages. No, not the one about whether the State should grow a set, re-establish and present a 'Christmas In The Oaks' and stand up to the Agnostics and Atheists with fancy lawyers. No, no, I am of course talking about whether or not we shall perish from the bankrupted NBA earth by trading or not trading Chris Paul to the L.A. Lakers or Los Angeles Clippers. There was more public debate over Paul's trade then there has been since the 1992*** City of New Orleans sacrilege changing 'Christmas' to 'Celebration'.While I am sure there are many reasons to be thankful the Hornets will play another season in New Orleans it is a sign of our collective amnesia and apathy that the only 'season' that really matters in New Orleans, has as much special meaning as the title of a 'Kool and the Gang' song.***http://www.reu.org/public/Reunion%5CReuindex.htm** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

  • Say Goodbye To Useless Hurricane Predictions, Hello To Hurricanes!

    December 13, 2011

    In a surprise announcement that is sure to finally give Aaron Broussard some competition for front page space at the Incompetence Gazette, the two men behind the yearly Hurricane Season Storm predictions are calling it quits*, admitting their yearly predictions contain “no usable information at all.”

  • Primary Voting Is Not Just For New Hampshire Anymore

    December 8, 2011

    Qualifying for the Louisiana Republican primary closes tomorrow (09 December, 2011) and already the local Statist Quo are droning on about the insignificance of the LA Caucus and Primary, what a wonderful way to draw attention to the need to NOT VOTE, that’ll fix the ol’ republic up in no time.

  • Mayor Landrieu 1, Constitution Shredding Lawyers & The Stink They Represent 0

    December 6, 2011

    At Oh Eight Hundred this morning, New Orleans Finest swept through the City's Duncan Park and evicted the odious participants in the occupy, stinkify, communistify New Orleans protests.

  • The Burgermeister of Beignets Is As Useful As Bureau Of Ocean Energy Management

    December 1, 2011

    Do you think we need a French Bread czar in Washington? How about a national crawfish compliance agency? Oh, and don’t forget to appoint the Burgermeister of Beignets.

  • Knute Rockne - All Louisianian

    November 29, 2011

    In the 1938 film “Knute Rockne All American,” Pat O’Brien famously asked his players to “win one for the Gipper” played by a young actor named Ronald Reagan. This Pat O’Brien may not have ever made a Hurricane but he sure made some history back when movies about sports heroes were more about their on-field heroics than their night club outrages.

  • Happy Thanksgiving Prayer Day At The Cabildo Day New Orleans

    November 24, 2011

    “Happy Thanksgiving!” goes the oft cited phrase and indeed this year there will be plenty to give thanks for. Despite the stubborn rate of unemployment, the growing sea of red ink our government is swimming in and a corrupt culture from Baton Rouge to the set of “Girls who like boys who like boys”, still we give thanks.

  • Hey Congress, Un-Supersize This!

    November 22, 2011

    What do Aquaman, Green Lantern and Wonder Woman have in common? They would all be too embarrassed to have their names associated as Super Friends of the Congress’s Super Committee.

  • Would A Conservative By Any Other Name Still Smell Like Gunpowder?

    November 18, 2011

    There seem to be labels to describe everything these days. From the model of iPhone 4 to the milk-less milk sitting on shelves at Rouses, everything has a label including schools of thought.

  • Why You Will Never See Debutantes Dating Debut-Dudes on TV

    November 15, 2011

    Looking back, I remember the good ole days when the Time Life picture of the year was a sailor in full deck attire bending his dame at the waist half way to the ground and planting a “Happy VE Day” smooch on her with Times Square in the background.

  • Louisiana Meet Your Daddy, 'Drop Pocket Bumstead'

    November 10, 2011

    Albert Einstein famously said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. But like the 1970’s Paul McCartney hit “Silly Love Songs” here I go again.

  • There's Something Stupid About Mary Pt II

    November 8, 2011

    Just when I thought it was safe to look at my google alerts again, up pops another pearl of muddied wisdom from Senator Mary Landrieu. Seriously folks, if they give Emmy’s out for TV greatness and Grammy’s for music, what do they give for financial ignorance like Landrieu’s? Oh I know “Dummies”.

  • The Violence Of Failing To End Violence

    November 3, 2011

    The ghost of Marie Leveau was not the only scary thing hanging over the streets of New Orleans on Halloween as voodoo spells had to compete with gunsmoke and 2 fresh tenants for Leveau’s cemetery. This prompted the Times Picayune to issue its 1,375th plea for an end to “the culture of violence.” Yeah, that will do the trick.

  • All Saints Day Is Not For Football's Saints

    November 1, 2011

    On this day in 1966 New Orleans was awarded an NFL franchise. When the subject of naming the club came up it was a no-brainer that because it was All Saints Day and New Orleans was a city filled with Catholics, the team should be called "The Saints."

  • Synthetic drugs, and the synthetic amateurs we hired to beat Alabama

    October 27, 2011

    The news that LSU Tiger fans have been waiting for has finally broken: the trio of Matthieu, Simon and Ware, recently suspended for smoking synthetic marijuana, are back at practice and almost certain to play against Alabama next weekend.

  • New Orleans Is #1 In the Oxymoron 'Non-Profit Businesses'

    October 25, 2011

    The Crescent City has been designated as the #1 city in the United States for entrepreneurs by some outfit called Under30CEO.com. Now before you pop the top on a Red Bull and a bottle of Taaka let’s take a look at what this means and what Under30CEO is.

  • There's Something Silly About Mary

    October 20, 2011

    Let me toss some adjectives your way and see if you can guess who I am: Greedy, money-grubbing, inconsiderate, sellout. Did you guess: a Wall Street CEO? Nice try.

  • My Vote In The Lt. Governors Race? None Of The Above

    October 18, 2011

    Last night I suffered mightily through a debate conducted by a competitor of this station. The debate was between candidates for the office of Lt. Governor, the effect of which will have me scouring Saturday’s ballot for a “none of the above” and wondering why it seems to be the most impossible task of all time to conduct a political debate which is an actual debate and not a war of competing bribes?

  • New Orleans Deals With Tanks & Hand Grenades

    October 13, 2011

    If there’s one thing the city of New Orleans has an ample supply of, it is publicly intoxicated people and, surprise, surprise, 70% of them are Louisiana citizens. So score another one for team Jaegermesiter!

  • Let Us Have An Amendment To Stop Amendments

    October 11, 2011

    There are 5 new amendments to the Louisiana Constitution on this November's ballot and while amending The Constitution has occurred more times than there have been Mardi Gras, I would like to propose an amendment to stop new amendments.

  • The Latest Hippiefornia Virus Spreads To The Big Easy

    October 6, 2011

    It is said that great cultural trends start out in Hippiefornia, then infect everything to the east. This is what makes the newest hippie revolt against success and personal hygiene unique. Occupy Wall Street, or as I affectionately call it “Stinkify Wall Street”, began in New York and it’s virus has now spread to the Big Sleazy, which is what Duncan Park will become more of after the chronically unemployed, soulless protestors, and their Pigpen like cloud of stink arrives.

  • The State Government Gets One Right! Well Sort Of

    October 4, 2011

    There is an old saying that even a broken clock is right twice a day and I suppose if a busted Timex can claim such efficiency then the government of the State of Louisiana can too. So mark the date and time, Who Dats, because you may not hear this again for eons: The State of Louisiana got one right by surrendering the naming rights to the Louisiana Superdome.

  • Of Teachers, Unions and Fathers

    September 29, 2011

    With October approaching there is big news to talk about in New Orleans! The LSU Tigers being number 1 in college football!, no. Oh I know, the Saints having the NFC’s number one offense!? Nope. What is really big news is that the Louisiana Federation of Teachers will not be making an endorsement for governor this year! Yeah, I know, and I can hear the crickets chirping out there but fellow citizens this news is actually good news.

  • Homeowners In St. Tammany - Snobs vs Slobs

    September 27, 2011

    Is bigger always better? Well the answer to that question depends of what you are proposing to supersize. For example if you propose to increase the amount of bureaucrats per square mile in St. Tammany Parish I would say that bigger is not better unless you think living in George Orwell’s 1984 would be like a day at Jazz Fest. What if the amount of property held by private owners in the same parish were enlarged? Well then bigger would most certainly be better but to arrive at this conclusion we would have stop thinking like the government trained stooges most of us are and start thinking like the liberty minded people we once were.

  • LA: You Can Be Graceful And Elite If You Try

    September 22, 2011

    When I hosted a 2009 conference of Constitutional experts, Georgetown Law Professor Randy Barnett told me that “like it or not, Mike, the fact that you are here makes you an elite.” I never fancied myself to be very elite but I took Barnett’s words to heart and have tried to present “elite” points of view. “Elite” defined as rare, uncommon, not from the media talking points handbook. Alas, the same cannot be said of most New Orleans media, political leaders and academia who are as elite as Saints fans wearing Drew Brees jerseys.

  • No Free Lunches

    September 20, 2011

    When your grandfather told you there was no such thing as a free lunch, he could not possibly had foreseen the invention of such things. Nowadays not only are there free lunches, their are free breakfasts, dinners and snacks too, or so people think.

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