How do I get a hot woman to chase me?

How do I get a hot woman to chase me?

Sex columnist Anna Pulley on love and looks. (Getty Images / iStockphoto / October 23, 2014)

Dear Anna,

I have my body image issues, but overall I like to think I am an exceptional man. Decent looking, fit, clean cut, good job, intelligent, fun and unique hobbies, good lover and good kisser. But for some reason, I am not dating the women I want. There’s an obvious trend that the hotter a woman is, the more competition to date her. I have always been taught to be patient with a woman. But this never works. If I am not the one in pursuit, taking action, the relationship goes nowhere and some other guy comes around and gets with her in a fraction of the time it took me to get a dinner date.

What bothers me most is seeing her flirt and give attention to other guys in ways she never did with me. It’s not so much that she is flirting or batting her eyes at other guys, but the intensity she does it. I want to know how I can get that type of attraction from a hot woman that aligns with my temperament and personality. What are those guys doing to get that type of intense attraction consistently from hot women? What makes a woman chase after a guy? 


Dear Anon.,

Have you tried stealing her cellphone? That totally worked for the guy who robbed me a few years ago.

Though you say you want a gal who “aligns with your temperament and personality,” you sure seem fixated on the “hot” part. This isn’t a judgment (who doesn’t want a hot partner?), just perhaps be aware that physicality might be blinding you from other markers of date-worthiness.

I also think it’s interesting, Anon., that your very first sentence mentions body-image issues, but then you write with a great deal of confidence. I’m curious if perhaps some of your insecurities are more visible than you think, and that women are picking up on it. When you approach a woman, it should be with the kind of confidence that portrays a notion that you could care less if she goes on a date with you. This isn’t to say treat her with disdain or like you’re better than her, just project an image of yourself that reads “I’ve got so many awesome things going on in my life that it doesn’t matter if I get this babe’s number.” This sentiment was echoed by the informal Hot Woman poll I conducted online. “Be worth chasing,” as Kate put it. “Seem accessible,” Sarah said, “not desperate.” Hotness was also a factor that was, unsurprisingly, important to hot women. But even if you can come off as the hottest, most confident version of yourself, you also should recognize that some women would rather not be the pursuer. As Anna noted, culturally, women are taught not to chase: “If I have to chase him, I’m going to assume he isn’t all that interested.”

Lastly, make her feel good about herself. If you can create some warm, fuzzy feelings in a lady, then she’s more likely to think of you and remember you (and accept your dinner invitation later).

Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating.

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