OPINION

A 2015 that's chock-full of resolutions

Celebratory champagne.

Celebratory champagne. (Matt Cardy / Getty Images / March 14, 2012)

I recently did a whole bunch of year-end employee evaluations in which I was asked to gauge what they need to stop, start and continue doing. I realized that I should apply the same principle to my fourth-annual year-end RedEye New Year Resolutions. I do realize that more than 90 percent of these will be abandoned by Valentine’s Day.

 

I will START: 

>> Buying more Pau Gasol gear, as he truly is a boss

>> Believing there is a real ISIS, and not just the one on the TV show “Archer” 

>> Start flying Malaysian Airlines again

>> Building Olaf snowmen for my kids when it finally starts coming down

>> Clearing my browser history for the benefit of my wife

>> Appreciating that Brandon Marshall is the greatest receiver the Bears have ever had 

>> Demanding that all cops have body cameras

>> Tuning up my skates to check out the Maggie Daley Park

>> Recalling what Egyptians really look like, inspired by watching the disingenuous “Exodus: Gods and Kings”

>> Downloading images of that adorable Grumpy Cat

>> Getting around to watching “Game Of Thrones” and “Orange is The New Black”

>> Going back to Wrigley

>> Telling tourists to try the Tilt at the Hancock Observatory

>> Practicing tightrope walking between buildings to avoid street traffic 

>> Reading Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle” on my Kindle

>> Watching what substances I partake in at Lollapalooza

>> Shaving

 

I will STOP: 

>> Getting scared of media-frenzied fears like Ebola

>> Contemplating whether German Chancellor Angela Merkel is all freaky in the bedroom

>> Complaining about how Derrick Rose wants to pace himself

>> Screaming “You just got Tim Howard” every time I block something 

>> Sampling all the lame craft beers I can get my hands on

>> Subscribing to Paper magazine

>> Having buyer’s remorse and accept Jay Cutler is ours for a while and will continue throwing into double coverage 

>> Breaking YouTube by watching “Gangnam Style” yet again

>> Quoting Mrs. Patmore from “Downton Abbey”

>> Watching “Homeland” 

>> Being bothered by Lena Dunham

>> Taking fashion tips from the Walking Guy on Michigan Avenue

>> Taking my out-of-town guests to the “Home Alone” house in Winnetka

>> Suggesting the Obama Presidential Library and the George Lucas Museum should be a fun, joint venture in one location

>> Referring to all paperwork as TPS Reports

 

I will CONTINUE: 

>> Taking my hot dogs without ketchup

>> Thinking Oscar Pistorius knew exactly what he was doing

>> Stocking up on German national soccer team swag

>> Being scared of getting into an elevator with Ray Rice or Solange Knowles

>> Hating on Cleveland, in spite of sorta liking Manziel, LeBron and “The Cleveland Show”

>> Rationalizing that Steve Carell’s prosthetic nose in “Foxcatcher” deserves a nomination for best supporting role

>> Arguing that the “Breaking Bad” finale was cheesy

>> Groaning and shaking my fist at the Trump sign every time I walk past it 

>> Fearing alley raccoons despite finding Rocket from “Guardians of the Galaxy” adorable

>> Recoiling from twerking

>> Being irritated by Taylor Swift, in spite of acknowledging that she’s just a kid who is talented

>> Petitioning Coke to release a label with my given Indian name (Madhu)

>> Missing one of my favorite comedians, Robin Williams, whom I was lucky to meet last year

 

MATT KUTTAN IS A REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR

CHICAGO
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