By Amy Dickinson
Ask Amy: Advice for the Real World
DEAR AMY: My daughter, "Maria," is obsessed with trashy fashion magazines (Latina, Glamour, Cosmo and Seventeen) -- even calling them her bibles.
She brings them to high school and reads them in class when she is supposed to be paying attention to her teachers.
I have gotten calls from her teacher, who had to confiscate her magazines because she wouldn't put them away when asked to do so.
The teacher asked me what I would like done with them, and I told her to tear them up and throw them away.
I also told Maria that if this happens again something is going to happen to her magazines that she won't like.
The other day I received another call, so I gathered all of these trashy magazines and burned them, because (for one) her teacher told me that my daughter called her a name that rhymes with "witch" when she confiscated her magazine.
I have had enough of this garbage!
Amy, how would you have handled this? -- Furious Mom
DEAR MOM: If burning your daughter's magazines solves your problem - and hers - then you'll know it was the right thing to do.
However, a thoughtful parent tries hard to dig beneath a surface issue, behaving in a way intended to model integrity and positive, pro-social behavior, even when a child is acting out.
First of all, not all of these magazines are "trashy."
You should talk to your daughter about the media she consumes to understand what she likes about this material. Does she like the clothes? The racy content? The way the models look or pose?
Does she like how confident they seem?
When she calls these magazines her bibles, what does she mean? Does she rely on these magazines to tell her who she is?
Aren't you curious about this?
You need to calmly discuss this with her. And then you must meet with her teachers to discuss her challenges and her disrespectful behavior. Ask for their recommendations.
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