In any long-term, monogamous relationship, we can expect periods of stagnation in the lust department. Our partners, after all, see us at our worst. It’s near impossible to witness the daily monstrosities expunged from the human body and still want to bang that person ‘round the clock. However, while our desire might ebb and flow, attraction is a different beast. As gonzo advice-giver Cheryl Strayed (a.k.a. Dear Sugar) put it, “Attraction is either there or it isn't. It's deeper, more durable. It's the thing that gets you through the dry spells and rough patches.” Your problem, alas, appears to be with the deeper level of attraction. Also, this line gives me pause, “he says he does not want to bother finding someone else either.” Put that way, it seems like you’re hanging on for the sake of hanging on.
Once you start to have those blunt yet necessary discussions with your partner, you can better determine next steps, which are, in my estimation, somewhat bleak. But, depending on how committed you both are to saving the relationship, you might benefit from some distance and space. According to the latest hullabalo on the female Viagra pill from The New York Times, for many women, the ultimate lady-boner killer appears to be “monogamy itself.” A study mentioned in the article noted that a woman’s lust in cohabitating relationships takes a considerable dive between one and four years, but that a man's lust levels remain about the same. Those women not cohabitating with their partners didn’t experience the drop-off. So taking a little time apart might help your sexual malaise.
If your attraction stays gone, however, and your boyfriend is not down with a platonic arrangement, then you just might have to call it quits.
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