There was a moment in my life during college when I was extremely sick. I was bed-ridden for almost half the school semester in extreme pain.
Doctors told me that what caused my illness was lack of rest, stress and not eating well. I could blame no one but myself; I was a full-time student working an overnight job while maintaining a section editor job for the college’s newspaper. I was an over ambitious mad man who wasn’t taking care of himself.
I’m one to steer clear of drugs, but in that particular case, it was riding shotgun. And one dose of it made my body feel better than ok. It caused me to be content, drowsy and best of all, pain free. But the effects were only temporary.
After only a few short hours, the pain would return and I was more than quick to pop another pill. After I was completely healed and able to return back to school, I still took the medicine until no refills were allowed. It was habit forming—but this was not my true addiction.
My addiction started when I was a curious boy watching adult activity on video that stayed with me throughout college—one that I still have to pray off to this day. And I’m not afraid to admit that because it is my testimony, a way to reach out to others who could very well deal with that same struggle.
“Painkillers” are not limited to pills. Painkillers can be anything reckless that forms into a habit. Some turn to liquor, pornography, casual sex, self mutilation, or even bullying –it is all a cry for help and that person may not even know it.
I didn’t know it. I thought it was a natural norm for boys my age to view certain things—we all have raging hormones but even when I didn’t want to watch something, I still did because it had become a habit, a crutch to relieve my daily stress and depression.
And some turn to sex for that same reason—some has multiple partners for that same reason. If sex releases endorphins—a natural high stimulant—then who wouldn’t want that feeling? But the difference between being married and unmarried and engaging in this act is not just from a moral stand point. Your wife or husband is your sole supplier for that endorphin but without a spouse and engaging in that activity, one may look for multiple “dealers” for that constant high.
I certainly can’t judge, but I can share with you that all of these activates are reckless beyond description. They only serve as a temporary relief. I can share with you how I’m defeating that part of me.
God’s love is my continual painkiller. His effects do not wear off and it comes with no damaging price. Highly effective.
I’m fighting my habit by what you’re reading right now and I also surround myself with people who also love Christ, ones who provide me with spiritual support. Many don’t know of my struggle and they wouldn’t need to know because it’s understood that we all have our negative bounds and crutches. no matter your status or title in life.
But the first step to fixing that addiction is by admitting to it. And if you can’t define it as addiction, I challenge you to do this: Try quitting on your own, by your own choice. If by month two or three you are absolutely craving for that detrimental activity, you have your answer.