Crime & Punishment: Police Apprehend Interstate Tractor Thief

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Gregory Beck, a town-employed emergency dispatcher, has been asked by his own party to give up his seat on the Brookfield Board of Education because of a Facebook comment about the Sandy Hook massacre that no one liked. The Newtown Patch website profiled a Newtown native's "26 Days of Kindness," a simple initiative encouraging people to do one nice thing a day in the 26 days leading up to the first anniversary of the tragedy. Beck, a black-hearted man who is unable to respond to the issue of Sandy Hook with that kind of empathic, non-political sentiment, wrote, "I shall buy my friends who are gun enthusiasts a box of ammunition on days 1-26" on a link to the story posted on Patch site's Facebook page. Both town Republicans (who endorsed him) and Democrats have asked Beck to give up his seat. Beck apologized and called his comments "completely indefensible" but told the Danbury News-Times he won't resign.

A Small Town Game of Thrones: A partisan conflict over how tables should be arranged at the Representative Town Meeting apparently took up an entire RTM session in Branford and was the focus of a 1,584-word story in the Branford Eagle local news website. Newly elected First Selectman Jamie Cosgrove, a Republican, ordered the tables rearranged as one long row, whereas Democrats were once seated at one table and Republicans another. He wanted representatives seated by district, arguing, "psychologically it might be very different if we sat people from different parties next to each other." Democrats were so incensed they separated the tables and took their old seats. Cosgrove's reseating "was done in a heavy-handed manner, especially if you are preaching bipartisanship," bitched Democratic Rep. Chris Sullivan.

Connecticut's Least Responsible Gun Owners: In 2011, Norwalk police arrested Duane Doutel and removed all firearms from his home after he allegedly left threatening messages on the voicemail of his doctor. (The doc was particularly worried because Doutel came to appointments armed.) Doutel's wife Barbara is now suing the police department for punitive damages, with interest and legal fees, arguing it had no right to take guns that belonged to her from the couple's stash of seven, reports The Hour. The defense is arguing that, naturally, her husband would have had access to those guns. Meanwhile, police are searching for a handgun that was stolen from an unlocked car parked outside Mansfield Middle School, reports the Hartford Courant.

Authorities in Georgia have caught a man suspected of stealing tractors and lawn equipment in three states, including Connecticut, and whose trademark is leaving a deposit of his own feces at the scene, reports the Register-Citizen newspaper. Montre Hill allegedly accumulated $88,000 worth of farm and lawn equipment in a crime spree and was trying to resell it on a black market. Georgia authorities extradited Hill, 31, to Torrington to answer charges that he broke into R&S Sales, loaded a tractor and three riding rowers into truck and defecated outside the power tools store. As for why a dookie was found at several of his alleged crime scenes, Hill reportedly told police he got "nervous" and when he did, "shit be falling out."

New Britain police say that an argument over the price of certain, ahem, services led a john to drive through a part of town with a male prostitute on the hood of his car. According to the arrest report, Michael Jones picked up Benjamin Velez, who had offered to perform an unspecified sex act for $50. Jones tried to haggle but Velez stayed firm on the price, say police, leading Jones to demand Velez get out of the car. Velez insisted he be paid for the time he had already spent with Jones and climbed onto the hood of his car screaming, police told the New Britain Herald. Jones reportedly drove 100 feet with Velez on his car before crashing into some woods.

An East Haddam woman is facing animal cruelty charges after a sedative she administered to a horse in order to file its teeth caused the animal to have a seizure. Shelley Lavigne, 56, is a "floater," an equestrian dental worker who performs the semi-annual task of filing a horse's teeth. Though in some states, floaters can administer drugs to horses, in Connecticut only a veterinarian or the horse's owner can do so. In this case, the woman who owns the horse drugged by Lavigne filed a complaint. Lavigne says she is the victim of a faulty system, telling the New Britain Herald, "Changes have to be made."

Heavy Breathin': Korey Yorkin of Glastonbury allegedly spent an hour in the bathroom of a town Burger King, huffing from aerosol cans, reports the Hartford Courant. After she was kicked out, Yorkin, 44, reportedly continued huffing fumes and mumbling incoherently in the parking lot. Meanwhile, 27-year-old Brian Schoonmaker holed in the bathroom of the Wilton Library with a can of Dust-Off brand cleaner, police told the Wilton Villager. He allegedly hung out in the library for another half hour, ignoring or not comprehending requests that he leave.

A Fairfield University professor returned from a workout in a school gym to find his wallet missing from his bag. Kevin Dunkin, a 20-year-old student, had apparently taken it and, after stops at Marshall's and a gas station, tried to use the prof's credit card in a most collegiate way: buying a glass pipe at a tobacco shop. After the card was declined, Dunkin brilliantly decided to buy the item with his own credit card, leading police right to him, reports the Fairfield Citizen.

A man managed to shoplift a dog from the American Breeders Pet Store in Danbury. Police say he entered, scooped up an eight-week-old Shih Tzu puppy, hid the five-pound dog in a jacket and left. The owner of pedigreed dog store told WFSB she worries the man might not be knowledgeable about the care and feeding plan the dog, priced at $1,300, supposedly requires.

A horrible human being stole about $700 from a fundraiser at Woodrow Wilson Elementary School in Waterbury, reports NBC Connecticut. The money was slated to go to the school's student activity fund when an as-yet unidentified perp entered the building and ran off with it.