Crime & Punishment: Avon Police Officer Allegedly Sent Inappropriate Messages to His D.A.R.E. Students

Avon Police Officer Todd Akerley interacted with his D.A.R.E students online and through text messages, and while his communications were not criminal or predatory, the middle-schoolers did find them "weird" and "creepy," according to an internal investigation that led to Akerley's dismissal. The 35-year-old officer reportedly shared links to adult websites on Facebook in view of the pre-teens he had befriended through the school anti-drug program — or as one adorable sixth-grade boy said in the most awkward WFSB news interview ever: "I guess he was following these inappropriate people that was showing us their parts or something like that." Akerly allegedly texted an 11-year-old girl about her sleepover, offering to "come over if u need help watching movies, finishing food, ice cream, etc. when u have ur fun nights," causing her parents to complain. Police clearing out Akerley's locker reportedly found condoms and sex toys.

Connecticut's Most Conflicted Criminals: A man described as "well dressed" entered the Bedding Barn, a homegoods store in Orange, and told a clerk, "I hate to do this to you but I'm going to; this is a hold up," reports the Connecticut Post. He opened a leather bag to reveal a handgun. The clerk gave over a small sum of cash and a laptop. And at 4:22 a.m., a man hurled a rock through the window of a Stamford bodega and grabbed a single pack of Newports. A police officer, dispatched to the scene to review surveillance footage, was approached by Chadwick Jones, who resembled the suspect on video down to the clothing. Jones, 25 and homeless, admitted to the deed and said he came to return the smokes because he felt guilty, police told the Stamford Advocate. (He was nonetheless arrested.)

Kathryn Kalikow, the troubled daughter of billionaire investor and former New York Post owner Peter Kalikow, was caught with her pants down in New Canaan — literally. The New Canaan Advertiser reports that a police officer allegedly spotted Kalikow, 27, in the back of parked car, frantically fiddling with her pants. She reportedly admitted she had been masturbating and, before making her rehab center's 11 p.m. curfew, frequently parks there in order to rub one out because the center forbids masturbation. Kalikow and her boyfriend were arrested in March on charges of selling heroin on Craigslist and she was admitted to Silver Hill Hospital, the posh psychiatric facility that has reportedly treated Gregg Allman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Joel and Mariah Carey (all of whom were assumably also barred from masturbating).

Luis Santana allegedly flipped the bird at a Waterbury police officer. Again, we speak literally. Officers were called to the scene of a street fight where Santana had a parrot with him. As he fled, the 32-year-old man allegedly tossed the winged animal at police. The bird bit an officer's finger while Santana dashed into a home and tried to hide in the bathroom, police told the Hartford Courant. He faces a host of charges (including animal cruelty). Police are not sure how Santana, who is homeless, obtained the parrot, which is now in the custody of an animal shelter.

Despite the cutesy combination of their first names, Joel and Jolanda Martinez apparently don't have a harmonious marriage. Jolanda, 26, apparently spotted Joel, 22, ogling another woman in the Stop and Shop in Middletown. As their three children watched, Jolanda smashed Joel's cell phone on the supermarket floor, which caused Joel to break her windshield with his fist, police told the Middletown Patch website.

Jeremy Wilson tried to buy an item at Oriental Gifts in the Westfield Trumbull Mall and when the cashier asked for payment, he allegedly whipped his dick out and put it on the counter, reports the Connecticut Post. The clerk had the ultimate comeback; she told him it wasn't enough to afford the merchandize. Wilson was charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct.