Yale students: Don't leave your laundry unattended. (Photo courtesy Wikipedia / October 8, 2013)

Apparently, you can be the type of person who squats over a washing machine to drop turds on a stranger's clothing and still get into Yale. A menace students have deemed “the Poopetrator” has “repeatedly defecated” into campus washers and dryers, reports the Yale Daily News. “I simultaneously wanted to throw up, cry and punch someone,” said Andrea Fleming, who opened a dryer to an unpleasant surprise. She apparently marched into her dorm's administrative office, evidence in hand, to demand something be done. Sophomore David Steiner told the New Haven Register, “Everyone is talking about the Poopetrator. People are talking about him or her in their rooms, at the dinner table and in the laundry rooms.” (Really? At dinner?) He says students no longer leave their laundry unattended. Yet the shitstorm continued when a clothesline of brown-stained towels and T-shirts was hung between two lightposts in the middle of the night. Someone claiming to be the Poopetrator emailed a photo of the display to several students. Commenters on the Daily News' website were skeptical. “Def not dookie,” wrote one. “I would be envious of anyone that could produce such consistent coloring within a sample this large.”

Connecticut's Least Responsible Gun Owners: Michael Paterson, a lieutenant in the Hartford Fire Department, is facing a whopping 29 counts of risk of injury to a minor, after police went to his home on a domestic dispute call and allegedly found 29 guns and a stash of ammunition, left unsecure in the bedroom of his 7-year-old son. Police told WTNH that most of the guns were spread out on the bed and that the boy and a teenager were in the home. Also, a “disorientated” Joseph Callahan called police about a possible burglary of his Fairfield home. Officers were shocked to find several barrels of explosive chemicals, evidence of bomb making, 200 guns and “tens of thousands” of rounds of ammo in the house. Streets were closed and residents asked to leave as a Hazmat team and bomb squad cleared out the home. Police told the Connecticut Post they don't know why Callahan, a 69-year-old professional chemist, had these items.

Students at Vernon Central Middle School are using the phrase “Hump Day” a lot and that is enough of an issue to make its way to the superintendent's office and then to WFSB's evening newscast. The euphemism for Wednesday has found renewed popularity because of a Geico commercial in which a camel tries to get his office coworkers to say it. “Everybody is walking around saying, ‘It's Hump Day,' like in that weird voice,” a student told WFSB's Kim Lucey, who delivered the segment with a straight face (never acknowledging why “hump” might be the funniest word this side of “balls” to a middle-schooler). Apparently, several students have been called to the superintendent's office for saying “Hump Day” to a disruptive degree.

Norman Leon of New Haven was apparently miffed that his ex-girlfriend had a new man and came up with an inventive plan to break them up. WTNH reports that Leon, 35, allegedly snuck into his ex's apartment, tip-toed into her bedroom and took a cell-phone picture of the two of them in the same bed — all without waking her. He then sent the shot to her new boyfriend. When confronted, the woman put together what had happened. Leon was charged with home invasion, trespassing, and disseminating voyeuristic materials by police officers, who were unimpressed by the Farrelly brothers romcom-ish charm of the act.

Also not ready to move on: Richard Nau of Monroe. Police told the Connecticut Post that after breaking up with his girlfriend, the 31-year-old man recruited a friend to impersonate a probation officer and tell her a court had ordered Nau to live with her. His next strategy: leaving messages on her phone threatening to slash his wrists or overdose on heroin unless she takes him back, say police. Lastly, Nau lashed out by allegedly lighting her car on fire, destroying it — though we're sure he doesn't see that as a reason they can't still have a relationship.

Ernesto Rodriguez purchased a goat and five chickens at a livestock auction in Middlefield. Apparently lacking any better way to transport them, he allegedly stuffed all of them into the trunk of his car. Witnesses reportedly confronted Rodriguez, 36, but he drove off. With Rodriguez's license plate number in hand, police reported foundly all of the live animals in the trunk and charged him with animal cruelty. “The goat is fine and so are the chickens,” a Department of Agriculture spokesperson assured the Hartford Courant.

Brian D. Frascarelli, a former intern at the state Department of Revenue, was arrested on charges of illegally accessing the tax records at the agency's Hartford office, reports WFSB. Among the people whose tax info Frascarelli allegedly pulled up: his mom, his dad, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's mother, Gov. Dannel Malloy and Ryan J. Bingham, mayor of his hometown of Torrington. Frascarelli apparently claimed he was just trying to learn the computer system.

A man entered the men's room of the Norwalk Public Library to find Scott Ramos “pleasuring himself over the sink,” police told The Hour. An officer spotted a man matching Ramos' description and followed him home. This is apparently not his first such indiscretion; when Ramos' grandmother answered the door, she reportedly asked, “Was he masturbating in front of the library again?” She added that Ramos, 18, often “masturbates when he's angry.”

After an argument about money supposedly owed to him, Anthony Ramirez of Danbury allegedly grabbed an ax and was about to go all “Heeere's Johnny” on his neighbors' property when police interceded. Ramirez, 24, allegedly came at the officers with the ax but a police dog frightened him into compliance, reports WTNH. The insane arrest of course produced a shirtless mugshot. Milton Montesdeoca Jr. is the latest person to claim he was shot in a botched robbery to hide the fact he shot himself, police told the New Britain Herald. The 25-year-old Southington man, who as a convicted felon is barred from carrying a gun, was apparently driving drunk on a suspended license when his firearm went off into his groin and he fabricated a robbery story to police.