Hasselhoff cardboard cut-outs have become a hot target for thieves. (August 27, 2013)

A Cumberland Farms clerk in Shelton went beyond the call of duty when he was seriously injured trying to stop a man stealing cutouts of David Hasselhoff. The "Baywatch" star appears in the convenience store chain's summer advertising campaign. Stores have been adorned with life-size cutouts of the 61-year-old German-beloved singer/actor enjoying an "Ice Hoffee" beverage. They've often been swiped and have shown up in social media photos from weddings, concerts and even a canoe trip, reports the Boston Globe. Outside the Shelton store, the suspect removed two from lamp posts and threw them in his SUV. The clerk rushed outside and the man quickly tried to drive off — or, should we say, drove hoff. His vehicle collided into the clerk, knocking him back and dragged him a few feet, reports the Valley Independent Sentinel news website. The employee is in critical condition. The driver came forward and is cooperating with police, who have not yet arrested this royal jerk-hoff.

A white employee of a custom machinery company in Orange allegedly placed a noose around a black co-worker's neck as a joke. Wydell Sims, a shipping and receiving clerk at Valley Tool & Manufacturing, says he was sitting at his desk when Tadeusz Chmielewski snuck up behind him and slipped a rope around his neck. Terrified, Sims pushed him away and called police, who charged Chimielewski, 60, with disorderly conduct. Sims told the New Haven Register he has experienced anxiety and has been off work for most of the summer. He says management brushed the incident off because Chmielewski is from Poland and lacks a good grasp of the English language and the history of racial violence in the U.S. (and apparently common sense).

State Rep. Brenda Kupchick, who represents the 132nd House District and has argued for tougher sentences for domestic violence defendants, was arrested after an alleged catfight between her and her sister at a family picnic. The police report states vaguely that Kupchick, 48, interceded to "prevent her sister from doing something not in her best interest," leading to a physical altercation at the lawmaker's Fairfield home in which she landed a scratch on her sis' head. A Connecticut Post reporter present at the Bridgeport Superior Court two days later noted that the Republican legislator "stood out among the sea of prostitutes and drug addicts in the main arraignment court. She was the only one there wearing pearls."

Getting sent to the principal's office is a source of dread for kids everywhere, but perhaps nowhere more so than at Tisdale School, a Bridgeport public elementary school. At a termination hearing for Principal Carmen Perez Dickson, school staffers have testified that Dickson dragged a crying student through the halls by the hood of her jacket "like a sack of potatoes," picked up and carried another "like a Thanksgiving turkey," and threatened a special needs pupil with the baseball bat she apparently keeps in her office to fend off angry parents. The Connecticut Post also reports the principal allegedly "popped" a five-year-old boy in the head, prompting him to ask, "Are you crazy, lady? I get seizures!"

Eighty-nine-year-old Andy Nowicki is facing eviction from the town-subsidized senior home in Newington, where he and his wife have lived for 20 years, over his cigarette smoking. Nowicki, who served in World War II (not that the Newington Housing Authority gives a damn), doesn't smoke in his apartment, but his age and war injuries make it difficult for him to follow the new regulation that smokers must be 10 feet away from the building, reports the Hartford Courant. Further complicating the notion of moving, his wife, 90, suffers from Alzheimer's.

With one holding a rifle, two robbers held up Pizza Heaven II in New Haven. They threatened pizzeria owner Erdol Sahin into emptying the cash register and his own pockets. Then they ordered him to his office, hoping there would be a safe there. However, that is where Sahin kept his handgun. He grabbed it and the robber holding the rifle got so scared he fell backwards and dropped his weapon. Sahin then chased them out. The Courant reports that police caught up with 18-year-old Carmine Watkins and a 17-year-old minor and charged them with the crime.

Right before a new episode of AMC's "Breaking Bad" was set to air and as the Red Sox faced off against the Yankees, a power outage at a Cablevision facility caused a cable TV blackout in Fairfield, reports the Fairfield Citizen. Anxious viewers called the police department's non-emergency number and even 911, prompting the PD to take to its Facebook page to remind residents that an issue with their cable "is neither an emergency or a police-related concern."

An emergency dispatcher made a "series of errors" that caused a message warning residents about a terrorist attack to blare from loudspeakers around Old Saybrook. The automated message also implored survivors to seek shelter, reports the Associated Press. Soon after, townspeople received reverse 911 calls apologizing and clarifying that "there is no homeland security crisis in or near the town of Old Saybrook."

Mariam Farhan was arguing about a discount with a cashier at the CVS pharmacy in Fairfield when the store computers automatically shut down (as they apparently do at closing time). When the clerk told her he couldn't continue the transaction, Farhan, 66, allegedly tossed a Nerf ball at him and was charged with disorderly conduct, reports the Fairfield Citizen.

A robber broke into a Dunkin Donuts in Manchester at 3 a.m. and swiped "a large quantity" of small, single-serving cups of ground coffee (made for a specialty brewing machine), reports the Hartford Courant. He is seen on a surveillance video with a garbage bag full of them.