Sporting your homemade patch pants, you head out in search of drinks and conversation, and find yourself next to a yuppiesh chick sipping a martini who thinks String Cheese Incident is something that went awry in the grocery store dairy aisle. Obviously not the scene you were hoping for.
To help you out, we've made assumptions and done some stereotyping, but all with good intentions to point out which bars might fit your personality best. Read up, then seek out your scene.
Fashionistas: You look like you've leapt off the pages of GQ or Vogue; are up on all things trendy, from restaurants to music; and seek out chi-chi bars with ambient tunes, offering unique elixirs at exorbitant prices.
Try Edge Restaurant (74 West Broad St., Bethlehem, 610-814-0100) or Steelgaarden at Bethlehem Brew Works (569 Main Street, Bethlehem, 610-882-1300) a candle-lit lounge with comfy couches conducive to canoodling.
Hippies: You wear sandals, not stilettos; prefer the scent of patchouli to a designer fragrance; rant about politics instead of pop culture; and dig bars with live music, often of the jam-band variety.
Try .Wildflower Café (316 South New St., Bethlehem, 610-758-8303) though alcohol's not on the menu, those of legal age can bring their own and sip casually to the chill sounds of local musicians. Also, visit the Funhouse (5 East 4th St., Bethlehem, 610-868-5311) an unpretentious, cash-only establishment with live, local tunes nearly every night.
Hard-rockers/punksters/metal-heads: You're most mothers' worst nightmares; sport studded collars and combat boots; cover your bods with tattoos and piercings; and are likely to spend your night head-banging to the live and loud sounds of an angsty band.
Try The Sterling Hotel (343 West Hamilton St., Allentown, 610-433-3480) or Crocodile Rock Café (520 Hamilton St., Allentown, 610-434-4600) a cavernous club with ample space for moshing.
Jocks: You're outfitted in jeans, sneakers and baseball caps; down beer and hot wings like it's a contest; and spend the night cheering/yelling obscenities at one of the many TV screens surrounding the bar.
Try Starter's Pub (3731 Route 378, Bethlehem, 610-997-5454) or Rookie's Sports Pub (1328 West Tilghman St., Allentown, 610-821-8484) with its football helmet chandeliers, framed photos of stadiums, bar area set off by a fence of baseball hats and finger food named after sports legends.
College crowd: You don your popped-collared Polo shirt or your short-short denim skirt; ditch studying; and head to your school's local hang-out for a night of drunken debauchery that will make for great stories at reunions.
Try the Tally-Ho Tavern, (205 West 4th St., Bethlehem, 610-865-2591) where Lehigh co-eds cram between carved-up wooden booths or Drinky Drinkerson's (240 Northampton St., Easton, 610-252-3800), a hot-spot for Lafayette lushes.
Club rats: You've got on your playa gear or hoochie wear; prefer body language to actual conversation; and get your grind on to top-40, hip-hop and R&B cuts at clubs with multiple bars and big dance floors.
Try Montana West (1030 North West End Blvd., Quakertown, 215-529-6070) or Banana Joe's (318 West Hamilton St., Allentown, 610-776-6474) this A-town hot spot has a rep for being one of the best places in the L.V. to shake that a$$; downside: long lines and aggressive bouncers.
Dive-lovers: You want to go ''where everybody knows your name;'' feel over-dressed in a beat-up T-shirt and jeans; hustle townies in pool or darts; and don't mind that the bar tender doesn't have a full set of teeth, so long as your bottle of Bud only costs $1.50. This scene is becoming popular among area hipsters.
Try the Old Brewery Tavern (138 West Union Blvd., Bethlehem, 610-691-9406) or Your Welcome Inn (325 South New St., Bethlehem, 610-868-8887) with its dingy-but-homey interior and great selection of jukebox tunes.