Last week, a police report detailing Tom Foley's1981 arrest on an assault charge following a post-party traffic incident in the Hamptons was uncovered by Courant reporter Jon Lender. Foley's previously stated version of events vary greatly from that of the investigating officers. To get to the bottom of this, The Weak has hired Brooklyn attorney Vinny Gambini, who readers will recall became famous for clearing his nephew of murder charges in rural Alabama back in 1992.
Gambini: Can you identify yourself for the record?
Foley: Thomas Foley
Gambini: Would that be the self-funding Greenwich multi-millionaire who is running for governor?
Foley: Yes, although I'm only in the exploratory stage at this point.
Gambini: So, Mr. Foley, do you recall the events of June 28, 1981?
Foley: Barely. It was over 30 years ago.
Gambini: Give it your best shot, Mr. Foley. What do you remember?
Foley: I was leaving a party when my vehicle accidentally bumped another car at a low rate of speed. No biggie.
Gambini: But the police arrested you for first-degree attempted assault and held you in jail overnight.
Foley: What can I tell you, they take their fender-benders seriously out there.
Gambini: I see. Would you step down for a second Mr. Foley? I'd like to call an expert automotive witness, Miss Mona Lisa Vito.
Gambini: Miss Vito, just quickly state your qualifications.
Vito: Well my father was a mechanic. His father was a mechanic. My mother's father was a mechanic. My three brothers are mechanics. Four uncles on my father's side are mechanics …
Gambini: Now Miss Vito, Mr. Foley calls the accident a fender-bender. Do you agree with his assessment.
Vito: No way. Mr. Foley was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser, which is like a tank. And the other car was a little, gentle sedan. I mean, imagine you're a deer.
Gambini: So you don't think it was a fender-bender?
Vito: Fender-benders, maybe. The police report says he hit the other car a total of five times at three different locations, including on a highway at 50 mph.
Gambini: Thank you, Miss Vito. Mr. Foley, would you care to comment?
Foley: Again, what can I say? I though we had that report all sealed up.