Jim Shea: On BYO at Wakes, Colon Hydrotherapy, and Mattress Disposal

New Laws in Effect, Task Forces Working

Some recently passed state laws went into effect on Oct. 1, and while none of them is as exciting as the Montana statute that sets the rules for eating road kill, here's a quick rundown.

Mixed Martial Arts: These cage matches, formerly known as bar fights, or first degree assault, are now legal. Great family entertainment, bring the kids.

Highway Worker Safety: Now not only can you be arrested and fined for violating safety zone standards, but you may also have to attend mandatory classes. (These classes should be held on the side of a busy highway.)

Tattoos: Tattoo artists and their venues will now be licensed and inspected for health violations. I'm sure your reaction to this legislation was the same as mine: They weren't already being inspected!

Mattress disposal: This law makes mattress producers join some kind of recycling council to fund the disposal of old mattresses. I believe this replaces the traditional method of old mattress disposal, which was just leaving them on the side of the highway.

Distracted driving: The fines for distracted driving have increased, and it is also now illegal to use phones even when you are stopped. These nitwits' will not change their behavior until the penalty includes the phrase: "without the possibility of parole."

Tanning beds: Tanning parlors are now prohibited from allowing anyone under 17 to work on their skin cancer in their facilities.

Bamboo: Property owners now required to contain "running bamboo" on their property. Although it does not say, the law also probably applies to walking and skipping bamboo. Who knew bamboo was a problem?

Studying Colon Hydrotherapy, Funeral Home Fare

When it is not creating new laws, the legislature likes to create task forces, which in turn lead to more new laws.

One new task force is charged with studying a proposal that: "allows licensed naturopaths to delegate the provision of colon hydrotherapy services to a colon hydrotherapist, under certain conditions." Got to think this isn't a plumb assignment for a legislator.

Another task force is going to look into the serving of food and beverages in funeral homes. The Weak doesn't know about food, but as far as beverages are concerned, any wake The Weak has ever been to it was BYO.

Government Shutdown, How About Household Shutdown

As the ridiculous government shutdown continues, among the things to be concerned about is that the Tea Party inspired insanity might expand to other institutions, like, say, the average household.

He: You need to reduce spending.

She: We need to raise our credit card debt ceiling.

He: I'm not going to raise the debt ceiling.

She: Why? We've always routinely raise the debt ceiling.

He: I'll only raise the debt ceiling if you agree to stop having your hair done at the expensive salon.

She: I'm not going to negotiate with you holding a gun to my hair.

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