What if Black Friday expanded to the sports world?

Here's your chance to own all sorts of declining properties

"When Black Friday comes

I'll collect everything I'm owed

And before my friends find out

I'll be on the road"

—Steely Dan, "Black Friday"

Hey, you!

Yeah, you, the one with an armful of shiny new stuff and a rapidly shrinking credit line.

I don't need to tell you Black Friday isn't just a one-day shopping event anymore.

The modern version starts before we can even put our Thanksgiving Day leftovers away, and runs pretty much through Saturday.

Now just imagine that expansion went beyond low, low prices on tablets, laptops, flat screens and other electronic gadgets to include sports stars and teams, especially those rapidly losing value or prestige with newer models on the way.

Here's a sports-themed look at those Black Friday fliers:

Ricky Nolasco — Here's your chance to own a former 15-game winner before he turns 30 next month. Regularly priced at $11.5 million for 2013, this Marlins right-hander can be purchased at a 40 percent markdown if you act now. Virtually guaranteed to post annual ERAs of 4.50 and higher.

Logan Morrison — How about a self-described "Twittaholic" former left fielder with a history of knee issues and a knack for messing with his bosses? "LoMo" is headed back to first base, his original position, and he's bringing 125,000 followers with him. No reasonable offer will be refused.

Jake LongAlways wanted to own a former No. 1 overall NFL draft pick but can't put together enough scratch for a quarterback? Well, this is your lucky day. Pay no mind to those maintenance and performance issues. Put this big lug on layaway and enjoy the savings for years to come.

Mark SanchezSure, he throws a few more interceptions than he did when he was riding those Ground-N-Pound coattails to consecutive appearances in the AFC Championship Game, but the Jets quarterback (for now) still looks just enough like "Vince" from "Entourage" to confuse B-list actresses.

Tebowmania — Nothing causes those 15 minutes of fame to expire faster than a single sports season in New York City. Make your purchase before noon Saturday and we'll throw in a signed copy of "Through My Eyes" along with a miniature Heisman Trophy.

We're not just selling the player here. We're selling the entire movement!

Tony Sparano's laminated playcard — Can't get enough of the Jets jokes? Same here.

That's why we're offering, for the very first time, a chance to own your personal slice of timeless offensive brilliance. "Power Left," "Power Right" and "Automatic Checkdown" — those are just a few of the head-shaking Sparano standards you've come to enjoy over the years.

As an added bonus, we'll throw in a DVD of "Fist Pump: A Three-Point Plan for Unemployment."

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