Obviously, we have no influence over who serenades the Kennedy Center Honorees Sunday night. If we did, we'd have already devoted the entire production budget to Aretha, a baby grand and that fur coat.
So who will play the gig? As usual, the producers are keeping that a closely guarded secret. But in the spirit of inspiring entertainment gold -- and with not even a casual interest in CBS's ratings -- we came up with our own mock lineup for the evening.
To inspire an emotional response: Bob Dylan. Mavis once spurned his marriage proposal. According to our script, she says yes, on stage, and instead of vows, Bob reads her his entire Nobel...