The serial bath pouf killer

Pink nylon net fell out of her mouth with every step she took, making her an easy mark to find and bring her to justice.

"What were you thinking, young lady?" Big liquid brown eyes gave no indication as to what she was thinking. If history was any indication – she was probably not thinking about how sorry she was.     

We called her the Purple Pouf Eater, in jest, the first time she tore up a pouf. We traced it back directly to her. She had purple nylon net stuck on her front teeth. We saw it when she smiled at us later that evening.

I remember how we laughed and laughed at June's silliness.      

She sure made us laugh. Ha ha ha. June Bug was a pip.

I replaced the purple pouf with a pink one and we moved on.

A month went past. I felt pretty safe that she was growing up and becoming a sweet young pup and I stopped being so vigilant about making sure the pouf was put away. That was exactly the action that June was waiting for from me. Pink nylon net everywhere but no laughter anywhere.

 I took responsibility for the unfortunate bathroom incident and bought a yellow pouf but by that time June Bug had become a serial bath pouf killer. The slayings became more frequent.  More violent. Less planned.

 Once I knew what we were working with, every bath by me was carefully ended by putting the yellow pouf on the ledge in the middle of the bath tub. I never forgot. Neither did June. The day she realized she was tall enough to bump it off of there is the day the yellow pouf died a horrid death. We are only thankful it was quick.

I bought a black pouf and four plastic hooks to hang the poufs on the next day. I forgot to hang the black pouf up eight days later. I came home from getting groceries to find black nylon net on the couches, the recliner, on top of the radiator in the dining room.

The other dogs were huddled across the room from the crime scene, shaking their heads in disbelief, watching our every action. Even they realized we had to do something to put an end to her killing rampages.

We tried. She was banished from the bathroom.  Every time anyone went in or out she would wait outside the door to make sure the bathroom door clicked into place.

One day I hurried to answer the phone and the click wasn't there but June Bug was. Now, lime green isn't my favorite color but the way that poor pouf met its demise was not called for. Bits and pieces of lime green nylon net floated through the air for hours after the initial attack. 

She missed her afternoon bone for that one.

I closed the bathroom door, after the pouf was gone, and went to the store to pick up an orange pouf.

A few days later, a visitor didn't know about the bathroom door rule and June wasn't about to tell them. June grabbed the orange pouf and raced into our bedroom, tearing it apart on the run, scattering the poor thing in every direction. I found another piece of orange nylon net in my closet last week.

I bought a gorgeous black and red pouf to take with me on vacation. I came back home totally relaxed and full of trust. That pouf lasted three days.

I want to redo our bathroom in black, silver and white. I already bought a little bag with a black, silver and white pouf in it, in anticipation. 

Actually, I think I will only do it in black and silver since I walked in on June this morning proudly standing over the mutilated white nylon net body.

 (You can reach Janet Good, Somerset, at any time of the day or night simply by emailing janetnjim@yahoo.com.)

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