I probably deserve a big moutza from readers for not telling you about my Russia plans for this coming week.
Soon I'll be leaving soon for the Sochi Olympics and plan on subsisting on a diet of pickled garlic and vodka through the coming days.
But right now, let's focus on the big event: the Moutza of the Month for January.
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"I gotta go with that chumbolone, Chris Christie," said Mike Zywanski, on Facebook, referring to the Republican governor of New Jersey. "What a bonehead."
A bonehead? Not Christie.
More like a muttonhead, or pork haunch head. When news broke a few weeks ago that the Christie administration had caused traffic jams on the George Washington Bridge to punish a political rival, the governor insisted he was unaware of the lane closings at the time. But on Friday, lawyers for his close high school friend and former Port Authority senior official released a letter stating that Christie indeed knew about the traffic jams while they were occurring.
"Christie," wrote loyal reader Kristins Gembara, "busted and disgusted, and can't be trusted."
Christie? White House dreams?
Here's how you newbies can moutza in the style of my ancient Hellenic ancestors: Spread your palm and fingers wide, point the palm at the offender, and give a hearty "Nah!"
Or my favorite, "feesa etho" (blow right here), or just "feesa" (blow).
Two locals just made the moutza list on the last day. But these aren't remotely humorous.
One is Richard Vanecko, the nephew of former Mayor Richard M. Daley. In 2004, Vanecko punched a tiny, drunken David Koschman who died. On Friday, Vanecko cut a deal and will do 60 days in jail. So Chicago is spared a messy trial that might otherwise make us forever cynical about our politics.
Vanecko, a weightlifter, was a head taller and some 100 pounds heavier than Koschman when the little guy was punched outside a bar.
If it weren't for the Sun-Times and reporters Tim Novak and Chris Fusco, it would have been forgotten under a greasy pile of clout. And the Daley friends and cousins and the cops and others who let this slide are part of it.
But now Vanecko says he's sorry.
Illinois Treasurer Dan Rutherford came out swinging on Friday, making an accusation about some allegation he wouldn't even describe. But whatever it is, he blamed it all on fellow GOP gubernatorial candidate Bruce Rauner.
"I will not stand false accusations that are destined to try to destroy me or my campaign," Rutherford said.
Really? You're doing a good job on your own. You created a public relations blunder. Now it's all about process. And you will be processed.