From the cubicle
It's Opening Day, which means it should start snowing any minute now.

For the benefit of all of you stuck at work, we're going to try to bring you live play-by-play commentary of both games today. It might get a little hectic when the two games overlap, but that's why we have remote controls.

The Cubs tip off first against the New York Mets just after noon Chicago time. The Sox drop the puck two hours later in Kansas City against (insert name of K.C.'s best player here) and the Royals. Is New York or Kansas City any warmer than Chicago right now? What happened to those games in San Juan?

We'll have baseball soon...that is, after these introductions, which are taking forever. Let's hear it for Mets assistant equipment manager Vinny Greco!

First inning

Veteran lefty Tom Glavine takes the mound for the Mets and he'll face Mark Grudzielanek. If I have to type that name all day, we're in trouble. Thanks a lot, Bobby Hill. In honor of Harry Caray, I will refer to Grudzielanek as the G. Man. The first pitch is a fastball strike. Glavine then misses three straight outside and the G. Man eventually draws a walk. ... Alex Gonzalez chops one down the third-base line and that puts runners on second and third for Sammy Sosa. ... Sosa lines one to right and the Cubs take a 1-0 lead. Glavine is having trouble throwing strikes.

Man, it's nice to have Steve Stone back.

Moises Alou takes one deep off the bottom of the left-field wall. Thornwood's very own Cliff Floyd botches the play and two more runs score. Glavine quickly strikes out Hee Seop Choi. Here comes Jim Thome, I mean Mark Bellhorn.

Fox has foresaken the little score bug on the screen and it's killing me. OK, there it is. Thank you.

Bellhorn reaches and Corey Patterson rips one to right, scoring another run. Damian Miller hits into a double play, ending the top of the first.

Cubs 4, Mets 0

Kerry Wood walks Roger Cedeno and gets Robert Alomar to tap out to Bellhorn. Cedeno takes second. Wood fans Floyd with an unreal curve. And here comes annoying long-distance shill Mike Piazza.

How strange is it to see Dusty Baker on the top step of the Cubs' dugout?

Piazza drives it to deep center, but Patterson makes a great running grab near the wall.

Second inning

Wood leads off and throws the bat at the ball and grounds feebly to Alomar. Chip Caray says the G. Man is the first Cub with a 12-letter last name since some guy I've never heard of in 1983. With that said, the G. Man lines one to right.

Glavine is throwing a ton of pitches. He walks Gonzalez and gets a visit from the pitching coach.

Sosa grounds to short, but hustles down the line to avoid the double play. The G. Man takes third. Alou flies out to right to end it.

Hey, the Bears' Ted Washington is on hand and he's wearing a Mets uniform. Wait, that's Mo Vaughn. Big Mo lines one to right and that should keep the boos at bay for a few days.