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UPS

This selfie stick makes my life awesome!

This selfie stick makes my life awesome!

For a week I sat in a lawn chair next to our mailbox, waiting for the sound of the U.S. Postal Service truck. Or UPS. I didn't care who delivered it. But the wait was unbearable. "Not today," our mail carrier said as she handed me an armload of back-to-school catalogues, casino invitations and a property tax bill, the latter requiring my immediate attention. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwem." "It's NEVER gonna get here," I wailed. "You should look into Amazon Prime. Guaranteed two-day shipping," she said before continuing down the block. Finally, the blessed day occurred. "There's a package for you in the hall," my wife said,...

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