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Kids, put down your phones while I text

From the day my children became capable of conversing in full, meaningful sentences, I have grown to loathe a simple, four-word response they continue to fire at me whenever I'm conducting a parental teaching moment:

"You do it too."

OK, I suppose there are worse four-word phrases for a parent to hear -- "I'm eloping to Vegas," "I got another F" and "I voted for Trump" come to mind -- but my daughters never seem to grow tired of "You do it too," forcing me to justify my own behavior while not condoning theirs.


"You do it too."

"Yes, but I have...