May 16: Preak out
b May 16 cover
What you see is what you get with Kegasus, the spokeshorse-man of Preakness. He's a party guy on top, a horse who also likes to party on bottom and a Henry James scholar. So, that last part we made up, but we've always wanted to learn more about the legend. Though we were slightly afraid to get awkward with anyone who is horse-ish (the animals do seem angry and overly muscly, after all), we manned up as much as a non-crossbreed animal can to get to the bottom of Kegasus' innermost thoughts — and find out what the deal is between him and sidekick UniCarl. Don't pretend like you aren't curious.
Who's your biggest celebrity crush right now: I'll Have Another or Sarah Jessica Parker?
I always get those two confused. Which one is married to Ferris Bueller again? I'm kidding, of course. I'm definitely star-struck by I'll Have Another. Everyone loves a Cinderella story. Do they even make glass horseshoes?
You have a sidekick this year, UniCarl, who's also your personal assistant/trainer. How would you describe your special relationship? More importantly, have man-horses and man-unicorns traditionally gotten along?
In the spirit of political correctness, let's use the right terminology. It's man-stallion and dude-icorn. Yes, our breeds have a long and rich history of collaboration except for that one unfortunate incident involving pharaoh Ramesses and an early prototype for the carousel.
Besides yourself, who would you consider the most legendary member of the party manimal kingdom?
I think Minotaurs get a bad wrap. Sure they can be moody, and while I wouldn't take one into a china shop, you'd be hard pressed to find a better partner for trivia night at your favorite pub. Very intelligent creatures.
Maroon 5 performs at InfieldFest. Which of the band's songs do man-stallions relate to the most?
No question, “Moves Like Jagger.” So while Mick might have inspired some of Adam Levine's moves, who do you think taught Mick his moves back in Dartford? Let's just say the kid had two left hooves until he met me. Next question.
OK, then. How is the horse community dealing with the cancellation of HBO's racing drama “Luck”?
As a card-carrying member of HAG, the Horse Actor's Guild, I've been asked not to publicly comment on that issue. I will say that I'm a huge fan of Dustin Hoffman's work. Minus “Ishtar.”
When it's your time, how would you prefer to go out: as glue or dog food?
Actually, I've already cut a deal to be carbon frozen like Han Solo and buried in an elaborate burial chamber under Pimlico that's filled with priceless treasure. Wait ... keep that last part on the DL.
If you're the Lord of the Preakness, do you consider us all your serfs?
That's absurd. You don't wear silly hats, have blue skin and sing annoying songs all day! Wait, did you say “smurfs” or “serfs”?
What are the best ways to get my Preak On every day?
Unfortunately, the human body is not designed to do that every day. That's why the Preakness InfieldFest is a once-a-year event. Even that one day comes dangerously close to overloading your mortal brains. However, a daily regimen of yoga and whole grains couldn't hurt.
What's the secret to maintaining your luscious mane?
Paul Mitchell is my personal hair trainer.
According to your bio, you're the son of Preaknesius, god of thoroughbred racing and Shelly McDougal, an Ellicott City waitress. Please tell me that they're still very much in love with each other and proud of their son.
They are still very much in love and are both an inspiration. Mom recently retired and they bought an RV and are currently driving the Yucatan Peninsula in search of the world's best fish tacos and some tasty waves. Mom and I FaceTime with each other every day.
If you go
Gates open at 8 a.m. Saturday for the infield, Top of the Strech and the facility; 10 a.m. for the Village and Turfside Terrace. The Preakness Stakes is run at 6:19 p.m. Pimlico Race Course is at 5201 Park Heights Ave. in Baltimore.
InfieldFest tickets are $60; Mug Club is $20. Other ticket prices vary. Call 410-542-9400 or go to preakness.com.