| Jul 29, 2013
In 1971 — the year I was born — Bob Dylan wrote the lyrics to a song that would one day become an inspiration for me, in the workplace and in life.
The song's called "When I Paint My Masterpiece." It was first recorded by The Band, and if...
| Aug 5, 2013
A perpetual motion machine is, theoretically, a device that functions indefinitely without energy from an external source.
No such machine is possible, but this Physics 101 concept makes a nice metaphor for the workplace: To keep growing and running...
| Aug 12, 2013
I hate pants.
So deep is my dislike of these bifurcated leg prisons that I'd be fine ending this column right here. It would give me more time to stare menacingly at the dreaded jeans and khakis the working world demands I wear.
But I'm going to be...
| Dec 30, 2013
As has become tradition at I Just Work Here Inc., I'm going to end the year and start a new one by turning this space over to some of the fine workplace experts I interviewed in 2013, allowing them to share advice for the months to come.
I thank you all...
| Jan 6, 2014
It's important to start each year with a carefully thought out list of pragmatic resolutions. My list includes:
•Start a dynasty of ducks.
Ride a narwhal (preferably while nude).
•Watch more TV.
•Learn how to write a newspaper...
| Jul 22, 2013
I spend most of my days toiling in the fields of workplace discontent, hoisting the yoke of America's office imbroglios, looking up fancy words and praying I don't run out of hyperbolic ways to describe my job.
But this week I take a break from the...
| Oct 8, 2012
I feel sorry for jobs.
We ask a lot of them. They have to be fulfilling, flexible, challenging, well-paying and fun. They are a part of our lives as much as any friend or spouse, yet we constantly bad-mouth them and use them as scapegoats for life's...
| Jun 10, 2013
As regular readers of this column know, my last vacation involved a cactus and the unfortunate perforation of my buttocks. (Thank you for all the sympathy cards.)
So I'm pleased to report that on a recent trip to Disney World — aka "Mickey Mouse's...
| Jan 7, 2013
The workplace is a lot like football. I say that not because it's true, but because it's a handy way to justify the hours I spend watching football. Also, it allows me to write off nachos as a business expense.
But this week, the football-workplace...
| Jun 17, 2013
That's a good point! (No it isn't.)
I'd be happy to join the team! (I'd rather be eaten by wart hogs.)
Your cake is delicious! (Thanks for the food poisoning, Julia Child.)
These are but a few examples of the lies we tell at work. Most aren't...
| Mar 4, 2013
When I first received a copy of "The Manager's Phrase Book," I laughed.
I laughed long and hard.
The book is a collection of more than 3,000 canned phrases a manager can use in different situations, rated on sliding scales such as "casual to formal"...