Daneen Skube

Get well, not even

Q. I know I am a very vengeful person, and I really would rather get even than get mad. I believe in "karma" but also think some people really need to be punished when they run others over. What do you think about vindictive feelings? How do you deal with people making bad allegations against you?

A. When my clients feel as you do, I point out that vindictive and vindicated are similar words for a good reason. Most deeply revengeful emotions are about wanting to force someone who has hurt us to experience the same situation they've put us in. On an unconscious level we believe if that person is made to feel what we felt, they will finally have empathy.