The Sochi Olympics began with an Opening Ceremonies like you'd only find in Russia, and I'm not sure what part of it was more memorable:
The stage production pantomiming the arrest of dissidents protesting the country's anti-gay law; the 200-foot Vladimir Putin balloon; the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the Circassian genocide; the pack of stray dogs chasing terrified Iraqi figure skaters during the parade of nations; the musical entertainment by Pussy Riot; or the recitation of the entirety of Tolstoy's War and Peace.
Curling (which involves a broom): Activity taking place in a women's hair salon.
Slopestyle: Plastic surgeon jargon for a nose-job technique.
Halfpipe: "Local police have arrested 16 men in a narcotics sting, confiscating halfpipes and other drug paraphernalia."
Nordic combined: With what? And why?
Moguls: A downhill slalom race between Donald Trump and Bill Gates.
Certain other events are not Winter Olympics sports yet but should be. These include synchronized ice-fishing, yodeling, avalanche surfing and rhythmic shivering.
I have been told there is one actual sport, biathlon, that involves both cross-country skiing and shooting guns.
That happens to be a very popular sport in Miami, but without the cross-country skiing part.
Dennis Hickey has been the Dolphins' general manager almost two weeks now, and still no Super Bowl.
The Dolphins are now offering perks and discounts to season-ticket holders. Hey, how about this for a totally unexpected perk that fans might enjoy: A BLEEPIN' PLAYOFF TEAM!
The NFL is considering a league-wide player code of conduct in the wake of the Dolphins' Bullygate mess. Here is how I would write the code: "Do not get arrested and do not behave in the locker room like a bunch of towel-snapping middle schoolers."
Tony Dungy interviewed Richie Incognito and seemed to imply some Bullygate blame rested with Dolphins coach Joe Philbin, leading Philbin to directly phone Dungy. Does that sound like the most amicable heated exchange ever or what?
People took to Twitter, outraged that NBC is tape-delaying much of the Sochi Olympics and airing it hours later, including Friday's Opening Ceremonies reminding us yet again that people who take to Twitter, outraged, generally lead charmed lives and are desperate for silly things to gripe about.
The Marlins get going next weekend as players start reporting for spring training. Miami is rated 25th of 30 MLB teams in an ESPN pre-spring ranking, countering the notion that hope springs eternal.
The NHL is on its Olympic break until Feb. 27. Based on the standings and playoff race, is there any point in the Panthers bothering to even resume play?