No, really, Sports Illustrated. Thank you.
Thank you for jinxing the 2014 Bears season before it has started.
The SI cover jinx, I believe it's called. Should be familiar to us. They pronounced the 2004 Cubs world champions. It didn't do Derrick Rose any favors either.
We have Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford on the cover. A regional cover, but a cover. The Lions, we already know, are done for the season. They just are. If the cover didn't do it to them, the Lions will.
The Bears. Oh, boy. After the Seattle game, I'll just say "a good team, not a great team," which means playoffs but no Super Bowl. Hey, I think that's called "progress" and we'll take it.
But with the cover, I'm officially worried about Cutler's health. Good call not playing him Thursday. Hey! We get a whole evening of David Fales.
Note to Jimmy Clausen: The cover jinx affects you. Stand by. You're going in.
Jordan Palmer, we'll miss you, though we never saw you. I'm sorry it had to be Buffalo who picked you up. It's a bad organization.
Here's how bad: They hired Dick Jauron after we fired him. There's always someone beneath you in the NFL!
It's a clean slate for Palmer, and a clean one for Gordon Beckham. Goodbye, we won't miss you fouling off your perfect pitch and your .220 average. California, here you come!
And here comes Jorge Soler. We welcome this new era to the Cubs, and now, in the minors, we have only Kris Bryant, Albert Almora and Addison Russell left. I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. It's been a bad, bad tunnel, though. It reminds me of the one Tim Robbins climbed out of in "Shawshank Redemption," and it smells just as bad. But we're almost free.
And so I'll close with JRW. No sappy clichés here. They played baseball, they had fun and we had fun.
So I'll just say thanks. And Cubs and Sox, take note: That's what a victory parade is, in case you're wondering.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page.