How long is this NBA season?
Really? That long? Oh boy.
It's not even December but, despite Friday's win in Detroit, it may already be a time when the Orlando Magic could use our help.
No, not on the court (unless you are 6-10 and have a decent 18-foot jump shot) but in the promotions office. Yes, if the Magic are going to continue to sell tickets, they may need more "extras" to keep us distracted from the score.
Are you here to help? I am. Let's get to it:
Top Five Promotional Ideas for the Orlando Magic
5. Frisbee-catching dogs. (Everybody loves Frisbee-catching dogs.)
4. Silver Stars (the dance team from the Villages) speed dating night. (This one is mostly for me.)
3. Fat Guy's Twinkie Night. (Probably can corner the market.)
2. Whack a Stuff. (Needs no explanation.)
1. Sit On The Bench Night! (There's plenty of room.)
Actually, the Magic are way ahead of me. On Nov. 25, you not only can see the Magic players and the Boston Celtic players but also the Olate Dogs that you loved on "America's Got Talent." They might even bring their Frisbees.
Fab Five Football Picks
Last week: Nobody is perfect every week (as I was in Week 9, if you have forgotten,) but still had an impressive 9-4-1 effort straight up (95-50-1 for season). Although I was just 7-7 against the spread (69-76-1 for season). Onward and upward.
Tampa (5-4) at Carolina (2-7) — Bucs favored by 1.5
My new hero is Panther defender Greg Hardy, who paints his face before games and becomes, wait for it, The Kraken. "I go down into my subconscious. I find him and I unlock the cage. What he does when I'm not there, I don't know." I'd pay to see a defensive coordinator scream: "Release the Kraken!"
Jerry says: In a The-Kraken-Rules Upset Special, Panthers by 3.
Jacksonville (1-8) at Houston (8-1) — Texans favored by 14.5
Last week, the Gags used the no-huddle offense a lot. Said WR Laurent Robinson: "You see it, we feel it. We feel confidence in it. We can move the ball, we can throw it around, run it and we're clicking." — Laurent, buddy, the Colts beat you by 17.
Jerry says: Texans by — what's your favorite number? 42? OK, Texans by 42.