The name game: How creative is your horse's moniker?

Guess what's back?

Yep -- Name a Kentucky Derby winner.

Back in the day, we held this horse-naming contest numerous times and many of you seemed to enjoy it. So, with the Kentucky Derby two weeks away, we are doing it again.

Rules are simple and similar to the actual rules for naming a thoroughbred to race: Your name may not contain more than 18 characters, including spaces and punctuation. You may run words together such as "MynameisJerry" but you do not have to do that. You just cannot go beyond 18 total characters.

The names you create do not have to have a sports connection but that probably gives them a better shot at glory here. Either post your entries below this column at or email them to Please include a name and town with your entry.

No limit to the number of entries. Also no prize other than the fame of being mentioned in next week's Cheap Seats. Deadline is noon Thursday.

I carried this tradition to when I worked at the Page Two there. My last call for names included these entries: "She'sGotANineIron" (Very topical about three years ago); "TebowChangedMyLife" (exactly 18 characters); "Steroid Stablemate;" "LeBronchitis;" and "Fave-atar."

Last year's real Kentucky Derby winner was "I'll Have Another," a somewhat boring name. Surely you can do better than that?

Sports' humiliating moments

Last week I'm watching Jason Day at the Masters when he hits a little flop shot from beneath the green -- and watches the ball land, start rolling backward and settle at his feet for another try. This made me start wondering about the most humiliating moments in sports and this impromptu list:

10 - Bowling: The gutter ball. (If you admit you are lousy, this doesn't count. But if you have your own ball and shoes, you are so busted.)

9 - All sports that require hitting a ball: The whiff.

8 - Golf: Throwing a club in anger and having it land at the feet of a woman 50 feet away, then making the long walk to get it back. (Happened to me.)

7- Running: Falling down.

6 - Fishing: "Thisclose" to landing what surely would have been a record breaker and then watching it swim away.

5 -Basketball: Airball free throw. (We've seen this at the highest level.)

4 - Football: No defender within 20 yards when you drop the winning TD pass.

3 - Slow-pitch softball: Striking out. (Your "manhood" account is empty after this.)

2 - Beach volleyball: Any suit malfunction (male or female).

1 - Golf: Losing control of your golf cart in the rain, crashing into a parked car, totaling the cart and having to fill out an accident report in the rain with an unhappy police officer who wondered where his career was going. (Also happened to me.)

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