Sports: FSU QB Jameis Winston cited for shoplifting, report says
The crab jokes started flowing like warm garlic butter Wednesday. Take your pick:
Free Seafood U. Free Squid U. Claw and Order. Case of the Crabs.
Does the Heisman Trophy now wear a crab bib?
If football doesn’t work out, will Winston get a job on "Deadliest Catch?"
Even the state’s Secretary of Agriculture chimed in on Twitter with the suddenly popular #FreshFromFlorida hashtag. Adam Putnam is a Gator, but the laughter wasn’t limited to Gainesville. Nor should it have been.
Jameis Winston’s crab fest was room-service comedy that veered into the semi-surreal. Was there really a sheriff’s department press conference over a $32.72 crab leg heist?
At least this one didn’t feature state attorney Willie Meggs trying to explain why his office couldn’t charge Winston with a crime. The hometown cops were apparently far more interested in the crab’s story than that alleged sexual assault victim’s.
This little spree one certainly won’t go down as a major addition to Winston’s rap sheet. Or as Peter Warrick said, "It’s not like he shot the president."
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
Along those lines, Warrick was busted for taking $244.38 worth of clothes in his infamous Dillard’s shopping spree 15 years ago. At least FSU superstars have gotten less greedy over the years.
If you believe Winston, greed had nothing to do with it. He simply started daydreaming or going his through his coupons and forgot to pay on the way out of Publix.
Only he knows the truth. Just as only he and the un-named coed know what really happened that night in December of 2012.
I don’t mean to insinuate that just because Winston would steal a meal, he would commit sexual battery. But this latest brush with the law makes you wonder just who is Jameis Winston?
Winston comes off like a happy charmer. But beneath the perpetual grin, is he careless, absent-minded, mischievous, entitled, callous, devious, lucky, unlucky or criminal?
At the very least, he’s a dope. Winston’s previously been questioned about a BB gun battle and stealing soft drinks at a Burger King. None of which will get him on “America’s Most Wanted,” but it certainly suggests he needs to grow the heck up.
He’s the Heisman Trophy winner, for chrissakes. Winston can’t sneeze in Tallahassee without 10 strangers immediately offering him a Kleenex. He knows wherever he goes – bars, Burger Kings, grocery stores – all eyes will be on him.
Except at Publix, apparently. The biggest man in town waltzed out carrying a hot meal. Nobody noticed, including Winston.
"Youthful ignorance," he said in a statement.
But for all of Wednesday’s yuks, it’s getting harder and harder to just laugh these things off.
David Whitley can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.