When I think of our local baseball teams and their supporters, I envision my wife in a bathing suit.
Or trying to get into one.
Every year when spring arrives, I hear about her summer plans and how good she's going to look in a new bathing suit.
No matter what I write here next, I'm not going to win.
That is if the truth matters.
But I've also noticed over the years that any attempt at humor when it comes to the local baseball teams or bathing suits isn't going to go over well.
Do not, and I repeat, do not ask Mark McGwire if the Dodgers need steroids to hit more home runs.
I'm told now that's being disrespectful to someone who is doing the best he can without using performance-enhancing drugs to teach the Dodgers how to hit singles.
Do not irritate Donnie Baseball, who was immune to criticism as a player, but becomes Donnie Miserable when reminded on occasion that he says ridiculous things.
And don't interrupt a preaching Josh Hamilton to ask if it says anywhere in the Bible what it takes to hit more home runs.
As Will Leitch, author of "God Save The Fan" put it in a blog, "Hamilton, showing more restraint than I might in a similar situation, says, 'That would go to prayer,' rather than bonk Simers on the head with his bat."
Hamilton swings at my head, and everyone knows he would miss, especially if I ducked low and away from him.
But I understand the incredible lack of humor in sports these days, every media outlet reporting it like they might a war.
I can't help it, though. I even see a hint of humor in the letter in Saturday's sports section from Lew Wolff, the managing partner of the Oakland Athletics.
He wanted folks to know how much he regards Angels owner Arte Moreno. If I were competing with Moreno every year, I wouldn't want him going anywhere either.
But I get it. Sports are not to be taken lightly as important as they are regarded.
The Dodgers haven't won a World Series since 1988, but fans believe every year it's going to be different. And they don't want to hear differently.
The banner headline atop the Dodgers' website feeds this hope, promising, "A Whole New Blue."
To me it looks like the same Blue as last year, and knowing that's what I'm also going to get in a swimsuit, I have no trouble accepting it.