Lotta talk these days about Bolon Yokte, the Mayan god in charge of bad things, including war, conflict, the underworld and “Gangnam Style.” It is Yokte, as he is known among the wags knocking ’em back most nights at Red’s in Wilton Manors, who will be coming down to end the world on Friday. But as he will freely admit after a few VRBs (they were having conversations about Yokte in 635 A.D., so, yeah, he needs to hit the Stoli-double-Red Bull pretty hard), it’s not going to happen. Apparently, the world will continue to exist on Saturday because Yokte, great god of the 12-21-12 cataclysm, is no match for the powers of … Santa. Yokte refuses to get into specifics — he still hopes to end the world at some point — but hinted the other night that the only thing saving the planet is the unifying belief in St. Nick. “Will Ferrell doesn’t know how right he got it in ‘Elf,’ ” Yokte says. “I love Will Ferrell, by the way. I’ll really hate to end him.”
GET YOUR RUDOLPH ON
The mighty power of Kringle will be out in force on Saturday night, when SantaCon returns to Las Olas Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale and Atlantic Avenue in Delray Beach for a night of caroling and carousing. The costumed processional will gather several hundred locals dressed like Santa and saucy elves at Huizenga Park in downtown Fort Lauderdale for a Santa picnic (BYOEverything) at 4 p.m., and then start moving east on Las Olas at 7 p.m.
The crowd will get as far as Mangos, where the costumed can get a $2.50 Blue Moon, and then swerve back along Las Olas (stopping at American Social) toward Himmarshee for more revelry and the traditional elf-tossing SantaCon party in the Green Room (109 S.W. Second Ave.). If you’re late or lost, check @santaconftl tweets for updates on where the action is. Info: Facebook.com/SantaConFortLauderdale.
In Delray Beach, SantaCon meets at 8 p.m. in the pavilion at Atlantic and A1A, where a group photo will be taken at 9ish. The pack is expected to hit Sandbar, Boston's, Blue Anchor, Deck 84, Hurricane, Johnny Brown's, Bru's Room and Park Tavern, among others. Drink specials for Santas are definite at Sandbar, Boston's and Hurricane, with other spots being negotiated. Organizers hope to do a second group photo in the courtyard at Worthing Place at the end of the night (shall we say, 1ish?). Info: SantaConDelray.com or on Facebook.
In real life, Thomas Carter is a business analyst for a health care staffing company in Boca Raton, which may be why the Delray Beach native needs spend Saturday night strutting Atlantic Avenue in a Santa suit. And it's a Mac Daddy suit: "A friend of a friend's dad used to wear it for his kids back in the '80s or '90s. It's velvet, and it's legit," he says with a laugh.
Carter and Kevin McCarthy founded the Delray Beach SantaCon in 2009. The turnout was them and five other Santas. This year, Carter expects more than 400.
"Give us a try," Carter says to the skeptics. "It's a great excuse to get out, dress up, and walk around with a few hundred Santas. How often do you get the chance to do that?"
Despite evidence to the contrary, the events are not ALL about getting your red-nosed Rudolph on. (One of the rules in Delray Beach states: "Every time you call SantaCon a bar crawl, a sugarplum fairy dies.") There is charity: Kids in Distress in Fort Lauderdale and Toys for Tots in Delray Beach, which could each use a donation of an unwrapped toy from all participants.
There's also the simple spreading of good cheer. All Santanistas are asked to bring small toys and candy to hand out to kids big and small along the way. Said Fort Lauderdale organizer Daniella Bagdadi for last year’s SantaCon: “That’s really the best part. To see the kids smiling and laughing.”
The Heavy Pets, whose nimble melodies and wit are the perfect antidote to end-of-days gloom, will throw a hometown “End of the World” party on Friday at the Culture Room (3045 N. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale). THP, which just offered the three-song “Everywhere Sessions” EP as a free download (check TheHeavyPets.BandCamp.com), will be joined by the electronic grooves of Greenhouse Lounge. Tickets: $12 advance, $15 at the door. Info: CultureRoom.net, 954-564-1074.
HANDEL TO THE RESCUE
If you are looking for a savior, the hip, young singers of Seraphic Fire give us one on Friday with their annual performance of Handel’s “Messiah” at 7:30 p.m. at St. Gregory's Episcopal Church (100 NE Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton). The popular production also can be heard in Coral Gables 8 p.m. Saturday at First United Methodist Church (536 Coral Way) and in Fort Lauderdale 4 p.m. Sunday at All Saints Episcopal Church (333 Tarpon Drive). Tickets, a few dozen inexplicably available at presstime, cost $65. Info: SeraphicFire.org, 305-285-9060.
The irreverent souls at Undergrounds Coffeehaus (3020 N. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale) are buying into the wrath of Bolon Yokte with their tongues firmly in cheek during “Disaster Day,” an all-day festival of films with a theme. Beginning at 10 a.m. Friday, it’s the four-hour 2005 CBS miniseries “Category 7: The End of the World,” followed by the 2004 NBC earthquake miniseries “10.5,” and then “Volcano,” “Twister,” “Poseidon,” “The Day After Tomorrow” and, of course, “2012.” Admission is free, but it wouldn’t hurt you to buy a coffee and something sweet. Info: 954-630-1900.
The ArtsPark on Young Circle in downtown Hollywood is taking no chances, invoking the magic of the Claus with a free outdoor 8 p.m. screening of the Tim Allen romp “The Santa Clause” (pictured above). Admission is free, and blankets, chairs, snacks welcome. The movie goes on at 8 p.m. Info: 954-921-3404.
Because it has been up in the air whether the world would be ending on Friday, Respectable Street (518 Clematis, West Palm Beach) decided to go out with male strippers. “Stocking Stuffers” is the name of a night of music, games and dancing by the hirsute Hurly Burly All-Male Burlesque Review. The entertainment is from 8 to 11 p.m. Cover: $5. Info: RespectableStreet.com, 561-832-9999.
BRINGING MAYAN SEXY BACK
Vibe (301. E. Las Olas, Fort Lauderdale) will attempt to show you what the typical pinup looked like during the age of Yik'in Chan K'awiil during Friday’s End of the World party, featuring Mayan-inspired dancers and decor. Info: VibeLasOlas.com, 954-713-7373.
THE BOX OFFICE
Did we say how much we like the Deftones' "Koi No Yokan" album, released last month? (The title is a Japanese expression that very loosely equates to the English "love at first sight.") The band's seventh album, released last month, is yet another vivid dispatch from a dark landscape, the ethereal gloom pierced with crackles of shimmering light and beauty. Songs like "Swerve City," "Leathers," "Tempest" and "Entombed" are particularly gratifying. The Deftones hit the Fillmore Miami Beach on March 19, and general-admission tickets ($33) go on sale 10 a.m. Friday at LiveNation.com, 800-745-3000 and at the Fillmore box office. Info: FillmoreMB.com.
NO SOUP FOR YOU!
Andrew Rudnick actually did serve matzo ball soup when he was getting his Matzo Ball concept off the ground back in the 1980s. But the Boca Raton resident says he no longer needs that kind of marketing gimmick for the Matzo Ball, which will draw thousands of mostly Jewish singles to three big parties on Christmas Eve. In Delray Beach the party’s at Il Bacio (29 SE Second Ave.), and in Hollywood at Pangaea & Gryphon at the Semnole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (5707 Seminole Way). Hours for both are 9 p.m.-2 a.m., with tickets $30 (advance and at the door). The Miami Beach event is at LIV nightclub (4441 Collins Ave.) Hours: 8 p.m.-2 a.m. Cost: $30 advance, $40 at the door. Hit the link for more on Rudnick and Matzo Ball 2012.
Slainte Irish Pub and Kitchen in Boynton Beach was supposed to introduce its new renovation and new menu this week, but instead turned Wednesday’s reopening party into a fundraiser for families affected by the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. Owners Rosa and Francis Feeney sent 100 percent of the proceeds picked up between 11 a.m. and 2 a.m. that day to the school support fund through the United Way. That kind of spirit should be nurtured. So what’s say we all swing by and have a drink or a meal at Slainte sometime soon, just to say thanks? Slainte is at 1500 Gateway Blvd. No. 150, in Boynton Beach. Info: Slaintepubs.com, 561-742-4190.
Know anyone who likes to eat, drink and listen to music? How about the gift of tickets to the 2013 Food Network South Beach Wine and Food Festival, which always sells out before you can turn around? And here’s a unique event: The official festival closing party on Feb. 24 pairs Food Network rock star Guy Fieri and reggae royalty Ziggy Marley, who will perform and introduce his line of Ziggy Marley Organics healthy food products. The 12th annual edition of SBWFF is Feb. 21-24. Tickets and info: SobeFest.com, 877-762-3933.
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