When I learned that U.S. military commandos had apprehended one of the suspected ringleaders of the terrorist attack on our diplomatic compound in Benghazi, my first thought was: What are you up to, Obama?
Clearly I wasn't alone in that thinking. News of the capture of Ahmed Abu Khattala was followed swiftly by questions about the timing of said capture.
Former Illinois Rep. Joe Walsh — now a talk radio host and unabashed freedom enthusiast — tweeted: "Glad we nabbed a #Benghazi suspect, but the timing is questionable. Did they let him wander, waiting for the perfect political opportunity?"
Former Florida Rep. Allen West tweeted a similar fact-free question, and a couple of Fox News anchors pondered whether Abu Khattala was being brought in now to help Hillary Clinton promote her new book. (Who can forget the old adage, "Nothing sells books like a Libyan terrorist capture.")
Others assumed President Barack Obama had our military nab this key Benghazi suspect in order to distract from his recent swap of five Taliban prisoners for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, who didn't deserve to be rescued because his dad has a Muslim-ish looking beard.
Of course the Bergdahl release was just a means to distract from the 2-year-old Benghazi controversy, much like a recent climate change report, Obama's focus on income inequality and the 2011killing of Osama bin Laden, which, while it predated the Benghazi attack, was a transparent attempt at pre-distraction.
The bottom line is this: Everything about Benghazi is a nefarious cover-up, including more than a dozen congressional hearings, 50 briefings and 25,000-some-odd pages of documents, all of which "conveniently" show that there was no cover-up. (Real Americans know that only a cover-upperer would produce that kind of conclusive evidence.)
So why should I or Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity or that other white guy who yells a lot trust that this arrest — part of the justice we've been demanding for the deaths of four Americans in Benghazi — is anything more than another ploy by the Obama/Clinton cabal to distract us from that thing we're really mad about?
Particularly when, if you ask me, there's an even bigger conspiracy afoot.
The timing of the announcement of Abu Khattala's capture certainly seems fishy, given that Clinton is on a book tour and was scheduled to sit down for an interview on Fox News just hours after the news broke Tuesday. My guess is that Clinton and Obama wanted us to find that fishy in order to distract from the fact that the arrest happened on … the anniversary of O.J. Simpson's infamous low-speed police chase in a white Ford Bronco.
Yes, we all remember where we were 20 years ago when the beloved NFL running back held a gun to his head and had friend and former teammate Al Cowlings drive him along a California freeway with police in pursuit. Simpson was distraught over the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson, who was killed along with waiter Ronald Goldman.
But a big unanswered question that no one besides me has ever asked is: Was Barack Obama in the Ford Bronco with O.J. Simpson, plotting the eventual cover-up of an as-yet-unplanned terrorist attack on a U.S. consulate in Libya?
Let's follow the logic.
Simpson and Obama have a lot in common. O.J. was born in San Francisco, so he and the president are both raging liberals. They are both African-American males. O.J. starts with an "O," and so does Obama.
Also, I listened to the audio of Los Angeles police Detective Tom Lange speaking by phone with Simpson during the chase, and I'm pretty sure I can hear someone in the background making police siren sounds with a Kenyan accent. (Obama was young enough then that he probably still had traces of his native tongue.)
The real smoking gun here, however, is that Simpson was charged with the murders of his ex-wife and Goldman and then acquitted in 1995. And who was president in 1995? Bill Clinton, the man whose wife would eventually be considering a presidential run and going on a book tour JUST as Simpson confidant Barack Obama HAPPENS to capture a Libyan terrorist.
As Fox News contributor Peter Hegseth wisely said in the wake of Abu Khattala's arrest: "It's all too neat and it's too cute."
That makes me confident Hegseth and others will embrace my sensible-as-any-other conspiracy. Because, to paraphrase a line from the Simpson trial: In a nitwit snit, the theory's a fit.