But then I thought, talking to furniture is probably something best left to the professionals. So instead, I decided to interview a pair of empty running shoes.
The topic, of course, is the lie Paul Ryan was caught in regarding his time for running a marathon.
In case you missed it, Ryan was talking to a conservative talk show host when he was asked what his best time was for running a marathon (26.2 miles). and he responded "Under three, high twos. I had a two hour and fifty-something." When the host offered up a wow, Ryan then added, "I was fast when I was younger, yeah."
Given that a sub-three-hour marathon is pretty impressive, Runners World magazine checked the race results and found that Ryan's time was actually just over four hours. In his defense, Ryan said the race was 20 years ago.
We began our discussion with the empty running shoes, a pair of worn Nikes, on this point.
The Weak: So, do you accept Ryan's explanation that he misremembered his actual time?
Running Shoes: Of course not. Anyone who has ever finished a marathon knows their time, usually down to the seconds. Trust me, it's not something you forget.
The Weak: What's the big deal if he did it under three hours or over four?
Running Shoes: It's a huge difference. If you run a marathon under three hours you may not be world class, but you are an elite runner. The majority of people who run a marathon don't crack the three-hour barrier.
The Weak: Do you think this will hurt him politically?
Running Shoes: Absolutely. He has totally lost the serious runner vote.
The Weak: Don't you think that's a bit of an overstatement?
Running Shoes: Hey, you can lie about closing car plants or Medicare. That's politics. Lying about your marathon time? That's character.
The Weak: Say, I've been meaning to ask, what's that funky smell?
Running Shoes: What can I tell you, man — it comes with the job.
Besides being better organized, and better orchestrated, the Democrats also had better music, better celebrities and better speakers.
Bubba, of course, was the big dog. His importance to the Democrats reminds me of what Geno Auriemma used to say when asked to compare one of his teams with an opponent's: "We have Diana Taurasi and you don't."