I was going to write about baby boomers and the midlife crisis, but then I realized two things:
One, most baby boomers have already had their midlife crisis, except, of course, for those who are planning to live to 125 or so.
And, two, I don't know much about having a midlife crisis since I've never had one.
Seriously, you look at all the telltale signs of the midlife crisis and I was stereotype free:
No sports car or Harley.
No wide-brim Indiana Jones hat.
No nipping or tucking.
Not having to decide between going bald or investing in a covering of previously owned hair.
Not asking the wife how she would feel about giving me a "Hall Pass."
Then I was going to write about five ways you can tell a baby boomer is comfortable in his or her own sagging skin, but I experienced a Rick Perry moment and could only think of four ways:
Not afraid to look in the mirror while wearing glasses.
No longer even bothering to suck in the gut when an attractive woman walks into the room.
Have come to grips with not getting the corner office (from which the person who did get it was recently wheeled out on a gurney).
When they say they don't care what others think, they really and truly don't care what other's think.
And, like I said there was a fifth reason, but it has at least temporarily left the building.
So, having struck out twice, I looked into doing something on this new British study about how your mind ages.
Without getting into all the confusing details, environment, not genetics, was the biggest factor in determining if your mind will remain sharp in old age.
If you really want to stay at least as smart as a fifth grader the study says, you need to eat a healthy diet, cut back on salt, exercise, get plenty of sleep and have a positive outlook.
I guess the trick is staying positive while eating health food without salt and exercising.
I can't tell you how disappointed I was to see that drinking red wine was not part of the equation.
Oh, the fifth way you can tell if a baby boomer is comfortable in his or her own sagging skin is … damn, I had it there for a second.