Here is the newest round of top-flight advice:
When leaving the Wendy's parking lot, don’t wait more than 10 minutes to turn left. Just give up and turn right.
Don't ever bowl against Cliff Kuckelburg.
If you're a Realtor, don't show a house on the north side of town when the car races are going on.
If you see 25 motorcyclists heading northwest, they're not invading Leola. It’s just a poker run.
Never refer to Family Dollar as “The Dollar.” People might think you're talking about another business.
Put your ample time waiting at stoplights to good advantage. Use the time to make sure your seat belt is buckled.
When heading to the post office on a Saturday, be sure you know the hours. Because they tend to vary.
During the Celtic Faire, make sure you stand back from the trebuchet.
If you belong to a service club, go to meetings so you won't be elected president.
When walking out of Gas-n-Goodies, be careful of that first step. It's a doozy.
If you live in Aberdeen, put your name and address on your garbage can, so when it flies away, you can get it back.
Before leaving for Richmond Lake or Mina Lake, get very good directions. Otherwise, you might lose several hours of your life looking for an address.
If you go to the Optimist Club's Pumpkin Patch, arrive on time. The pumpkins disappear quickly.
For a good time at the Brown County Fair, stay close to the beer garden or Centennial Village.
Be careful of sump pump hoses while walking at night.
You don't have to buy books in Aberdeen. The library is always giving them away.
When you park at the fairgrounds, take careful note of your location. Finding a car in that lot is harder than you think.
Pay close attention when driving on roads behind the airport. Some of them are dead ends.
If you're looking for cheap drinks, head downtown.
Save your old car for the demolition derby.
If you don't go to Wal-Mart very often, be careful driving on Centennial Drive. All the other drivers use that route so often they're on automatic pilot.
Make sure you have a garage for your car so you don't have to scrape every morning.
Don't assume we've seen the last of snow. Even if it's April.
If winter ends before the car show at the mall, it's been a good winter.
Jeff Bahr is an American News reporter. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org. His phone number is 605-622-2320.