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FLY ON THE WALL: Buzzing About With Holiday Hookup Advice

Of Merge

For some of you holidaters out there, last week may have been the first big step toward a future together.

For others, maybe you returned home and got some extra nookie on the side — Miss TseTse says good for you.

With all the hoopla over what gifts to buy and when to bring home that special friend, how could we forget about what twentysomethings do best: just plain getting some.

The majority of us took a break last week to head home for some turkey, mashed potatoes and possibly a little stuffing.

The classic awkward run-in with an old fling is almost inevitable when you return to the scene of the crime, and when it happens you must be prepared to go platonic or pleasure — check out what local advice we conjured up for you unattached cuties home for the holidays.

''I don't like to hook up with anyone from the past,'' says Muhlenberg senior Alanna Blitz. She explains that not only does it create unnecessary drama, but it ''opens up a whole other can of worms that doesn't need to happen.''

The cute blonde had her head on straight that day, and Miss TseTse agrees that you should save the drama for your mama.

But how do you cure that craving for some good, good loving?

Whitnee Shulman, 22-year-old Muhlenberg student replies with a smile, ''If you're not the type that would be OK with nothing happening, then do what you need to do to satisfy yourself.''

Shulman has a good point. Remember, my horny little kiddies, getting some is getting some. End of story. Don't expect those wedding bells to be ringing for the kid you went to first base with as a froshie.

Although Shulman continues to give some sound advice; ''Just stay away and conquer someone else who's better.''

Miss Whitnee, Miss TseTse approves. Let's remember it's not high school anymore; putting out does not make you popular — wait, well, um, maybe — just put out to someone else.

They say Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus — do they still say that? — although this week's questions suggests the two are much closer in orbit. The fellows I caught up with were freshman at Muhlenberg preparing to return home for the first time since spreading their wings to the collegiate world of no curfew, co-ed floors and beer.

18-year-old John Paone says he would not consider dating an ex ''friend'' but would definitely hang out with them on a more platonic level. ''I guess we could just go out as friends.''

Unfortunately I think good guys like Paone grow up to be 23-year-old barflies and their tune tends to change just a wee bit.

The good guy says maybe the old partners could pair up for a movie or football game, but a good fight scene is all the action either will see that night.

Charlie Ritzo, an 18-year-old Vermonter, has a story of his own.

''I haven't been home, yet, but I did visit my ex-girlfriend over fall break.''

My little fly ears perked up, and of course asked if he got down and dirty — ''We came close but I stopped it with an awkward comment.''

In due time, my little friend. Practice hard on your game and soon enough you'll be banging them out left and right, literally.

So the moral of the story: Don't get down and dirty with your ex.

Instead, start up a sexual friendship with someone new which — will inevitably end in similar drama, strings attached and heartbreak. So it goes.

Well Merge was at it again with some crazy Party Crew events last weekend at the Copperhead Grille and Starters Pub.

And you sure made stuffed turkeys out of yourselves over the holiday weekend with food, fun and friends. Keep it up kids, live la dolce vita while you can.

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