Step Away from the Chocolate Milk. Do it Now.

Clearly the most dangerous thing in our schools today is chocolate milk. Not violence, bullying, over-testing, mold, exhaust from idling buses or sexual assault. Nope. It’s eight fluid ounces of cow’s milk and chocolate flavoring.

According to this story in, Connecticut public school students won’t have the option of purchasing chocolate milk from their school cafeterias come September, if Gov. Malloy signs the bill.

Although lawmakers said the bill was proposed because of a concern over childhood obesity, they were told that if they didn’t ban chocolate milk from schools, they could risk lose federal funds. Beverages with added sodium, such as chocolate milk, will no longer be offered to students.

I’m not a huge fan of milk. I haven’t had a glass of the stuff since I was forced to drink it as a kid. I’ve always thought it was odd that our society favors cow milk over the milk of other animals (and often freaks out over human breast milk.)

But my boys practically live on the stuff. I happen to have thin kids, so I actually buy the red-cap, full-on-fat milk, and they go through about a gallon a day. I insist that a certain sixth grader with a less-than-adventurous diet sticks a box of Horizon organic chocolate milk in his lunchbox every day. For him and for other picky eaters, chocolate milk might be the only decent thing they eat for several hours.

I do hope that when Gov. Malloy is asked to sign this beverage bill, he channels his inner nine-year-old self and remembers how much he used to love washing down his Friday pizza with a carton of chocolate goodness.

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