Welcome to this year's not-necessarily-annual holiday gift guide. The message this year: No gifts for you!
Instead, here are a few suggestions on what to get your tech-savvy, already-spoiled pet.
Tagg the Pet Tracker ($99.95, pettracker.com): Runaway dog! Next time, you won't be so panic-stricken if your pet is outfitted with Tagg, a pet-tracking GPS collar. The tracker sends its owners a text or email alert when the pet escapes and shows its precise location on a map when using a Mac, iPhone or iPad.
"I really believe this product could be a life-saver for pet owners," says pet lifestyle expert Kristen Levine of Tarpon Springs, Fla.
Levine says when she and her husband brought their dog on a recent Colorado skiing trip, they also packed Tagg.
"We reset the GPS when we got out there," she says. "Sure enough, two days later we get a text message that Chilly has left the premises. We located him six houses down."
For out-of-shape dogs, Tagg also tracks the animal's activity level, notes trends and sets daily activity-level goals.
GPS and tracking services are free for the first three months, then $7.95 a month.
The Canine Shower Stall ($1,250, hammacher.com): A drive-through car wash for dogs with 16 water-jet nozzles and a shower head that wash, rinse and wax — wait a minute, hold the wax — your pet. Accommodates pampered dogs up to 200 pounds.
Petcube ($199, petcube.net): This Kickstarter-funded device will not be available until mid-2014, but your cat might not mind the wait. This 4-inch cube made of aluminum and glass combines a wide-angle camera, microphone, speaker, laser and Wi-Fi. In cat language, that means while you're away you can watch and talk to your pet, take photos and even play with it by controlling a laser with a mobile app. Available for pre-order at $149.
Stimulo Cat Interactive Feeder (aikiou.com, $28.95): "There's a significant cat obesity problem," says Levine. "Our homes are not set up to give them the kind of natural activity they would get outdoors."
An interactive feeder ensures your critter must work for its food and also reduces vomiting by slowing the rate of ingestion.
A typical Stimulo feeder has nine openings for adjustable-length tubes. A feeding session becomes a play session, as if the cat were searching for prey.
PetSafe Automatic Feeders (from $34.95, petsafe.net): How to dole out the right amount of food for your cat or dog while you're away? A PetSafe automatic feeder dispenses five, one-cup portions triggered by a timer. The tray rotates, and the food appears, at the pet's regular meal time. A five-meal feeder ($59.95) runs on four D batteries that last up to a year. Also available: a two-meal feeder ($34.95).
Pintofeed Intelligent Feeder ($199, pintofeed.com): A high-tech feeder that allows the owner to feed a pet remotely by using an app compatible with Apple, Android and Windows 8 devices.
Sol Box Light Therapy ($129.99, pawsitivelighting.com): Your bummed-out pooch could be suffering from seasonal affective disorder. Brighten his day with the made-in-England Sol Box, which emits 10,000 lux of full-spectrum white light. It's like bringing a bright day into the home.
FroliCat Bolt ($19.95, petsafe.net): Place this automatic laser toy, shaped like a bowling pin, on the floor, turn it on and watch your cat (or dog) react to a laser that shifts randomly or as directed by the pet owner.
"Cats love that," says Levine.
The Bolt runs on four AA batteries. The more elaborate Dart ($37.95) has variable speeds and an adjustable timer.
LitterMaid Classic Self-Cleaning Litter Box ($113.99, littermaid.com): This electric or battery-powered box takes care of kitty's business so you don't have to. "But," cautions Levine, "once a month you'd have to go in there. I don't want to go into details ... it's the way the rake is set."
DOGTV ($4.99 a month, dogtv.com): The first television channel for dogs. For the lonely, needy canine.