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Recent Obsessions: The Pope's Shoes, Stress And Cheese Puffys

Jim Shea

March 16, 2013

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Not that anybody asked me but …

>>I don't think Pope Francis should wear red shoes. I'd also rule out running, boat and work shoes, and, oh, white go-go boots, although they would definitely make a statement. Francis should limit his footwear to sandals, and when I say sandals I don't mean flip-flops. It would be hard to take a pope in flip-flops seriously. What Francis should wear are Birkenstocks, which are very traditional and go great with a robe. If Francis did choose to go with Birkenstocks, he would, of course, have to take a vow to never wear them with socks. A pope opting for socks with Birkenstocks could send a signal that the church was also OK with followers wearing dress shoes with Bermuda shorts, or God forbid, Christmas sweaters year round.

>>I'm beginning to worry about the food supply. First Twinkies were on the endangered processed species list, and now the company that makes Cheese Puffys is going out of business. How are we supposed to get our recommended daily servings from the orange food group? Sure, there are other orange foods out there, but none can quite match the orangish orange, crunch and after-burn taste sensations associated with Cheese Puffys. And what other product can leave your fingers bright orange for days on end no matter how many times you wash? You know those countries that make voters dip their finger into dye after they vote. That could be a whole new market for Cheese Puffys.

>>A major cause of stress these days is the stress industry. The stress industry has two main divisions. The first deals with creating stress by constantly reminding people of all the things they should be stressing out about. This includes things like kids, work, commuting, finances, aging, "Downton Abbey." The stress industry's second branch focuses on ways to deal with the stress the first branch is perpetuating. They include such stress relievers as exercise, meditation, retreats, pets, Haagen-Dazs. The stress industry is a win-win business.

>>If UConn is serious about making over the Jonathan the Husky so he appears more intimidating, why not make him rabid? You know, have the mascot snarling and foaming at the mouth. A name change might also be order. Get rid of Jonathan: Let's call him Cujo the Husky.