The Mild Winter Has Bugs Singing Barry White Songs



Spring officially sprung Tuesday.

I didn't feel it.

Something was missing.

Oh, yeah: winter.

Winter makes spring in much the same way the villain magnifies the hero. Without winter, spring is just a walk-on role.

We didn't have winter in winter this year. We had winter in October. Then we had March until this past week, after which we slipped directly into June.

It's been very disconcerting.

Normally, after an average New England winter, the first sign of spring is the emergence of these pasty-to-the-point-of-gossamer apparitions. But this year my neighbors have been out and about for months. Not that the first sight of them sans wool hats and layers is any less startling.

Because there was no winter, there was no cabin fever.

Cabin fever is …

When the walls close in, and your space shrinks to the point where you are living in the master bath along with a cot, refrigerator, and flat screen TV.

When a big night out is stepping onto the porch to pay the pizza delivery guy.

When rather than taking the dog for a walk, you follow him around the house with a plastic bag.

Because there was no winter, there was no snow. And because there was no snow there was no shoveling, or salting, or snow days, or having to face the fact that you are a "non-essential employee."

No good will come from having no winter.

The bugs have already been out in force, which means they will be breeding earlier, which means there will be more bugs. In fact, they are already getting it on. If you doubt this, go out on the deck tonight and listen closely. And then tell me that high-pitched chorus you hear doesn't sound an awful lot like Barry White.

The grass will grow faster and require more attention, which will be good news for people who have that unhealthy thing about their lawns, and bad news for those of us who fantasize about black topping their entire yards.

The water will be warmer this summer, which means there will be more people in it, which means will be more difficult to tell if someone has peed.

The days will be hotter, so people will be wearing less clothing, which means you may never be able to look at Jell-O again in the same way.

Yeah, winter gets you, either way.

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