I and my brethren have been called scum.
We are terrible people. Horrible. Illegitimate. Liars.
Hey, nobody’s perfect, and I’m willing to forgive. So today I’m packing my bags and hitching a ride to D.C. for the inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th president of the United States of America.
“There is no such thing as paranoia,” Hunter S. Thompson said. “Your worst fears can come true at any moment.”
That scumbag had it right, didn’t he?
In the passing of the baton from Barack Obama to Donald Trump, we have traded class for crass.
But the people have spoken.
Actually, the people voted for Hillary Clinton, but it’s too late to cry about that now.
So stop bawling, California. We are out of step, thank God, because civil rights, human rights and environmental protection are civic virtues in the Golden State, and we’re going to build a kale-powered bullet train through almond and walnut orchards, come hell or high water.
We voted overwhelmingly for Clinton, with Meryl Streep a close second. And let’s face it — we’re going to get kicked in the teeth because of it.
No, we can’t just all get along, red states and blue. So rather than pretend, our state legislative leaders have all but declared war on Washington over the Republican takeover of the nation’s capital. Meanwhile, many members of our congressional delegation have decided not to attend Friday’s inauguration.
Rep. Tony Cardenas (D-Los Angeles) explained that his parents told him to “tell me who you hang out with, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Trump, he said, has disrespected “women, civil rights leaders, Hispanics, people with disabilities, Muslims, Gold Star families, African Americans, POWs and more.”
Not to be picky, but Cardenas left out journalists.
And Ted Lieu (D-Torrance) had this to say:
“I cannot normalize his behavior or the disparaging and un-American statements he has made.”
I understand the sentiment, sure. But I didn’t waste 18 months of my life watching soul-sucking cable news coverage of the craziest election in history only to miss the coronation.
I feel as though I must bear witness on behalf of my native state and as a member of the scabrous fraternity of ink-stained wretches.
It is not a coincidence that Ringling Bros. just announced the circus would fold its tent after nearly 150 years in business. Lion tamers, pachyderms and clowns can no longer compete. The greatest show on Earth will be Donald Trump, tweeter of the free world, completing the leap from reality TV to American royalty when he moves into the former home of Abraham Lincoln.
The former home of Ronald Reagan, who said: “If we love our country, we should also love our countrymen.”
Of George H.W. Bush, who said: “We are a nation of communities … a brilliant diversity spread like stars, like a thousand points of light in a broad and peaceful sky.”
Of Bill Clinton, who said: “Promising too much can be as cruel as caring too little.”
Of Barack Obama, who said: “My fellow Americans, we are and always will be a nation of immigrants. We were strangers once too.”
And now it will be the home of Donald John Trump, who said in the midst of his winning campaign: “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”
If I can be selfish — and what else would you expect from an illegitimate scavenging worm of a journalist? — this is a rich time for those of us in the real news business, even if many Americans have come to favor fake news.
We’ll have a president who believes in Russia but not in the 1st Amendment.
Who insisted Obama was from Africa, and commemorated Martin Luther King Jr. weekend by attacking a legendary black civil rights leader.
Who refused to release his tax returns, called himself smart for not paying taxes and still became a hero to working-class people unhappy about the rigged economy.
Who ripped Wall Street and Hillary Clinton’s ties to Goldman Sachs, then used the firm as a farm system for his inner circle, nominating as Treasury secretary someone who made a fortune when his bank foreclosed on thousands of working folks.
Donald Trump promised to drain the swamp, and already he has started refilling it with champagne, surrounding himself with one-percenters.
Energy tycoons. Climate change deniers. An alt-right mogul. A billionaire chosen for education secretary who doesn’t seem to like public schools. A Labor Department nominee who said of his company’s Carl’s Jr. TV ads, “I like beautiful women eating burgers in bikinis.” And to lead health and human services, Trump picked a congressman who invested in a medical device manufacturing company days before introducing a bill that would have benefited the company, according to the lying press.
Americans have been promised plentiful, good-paying jobs. Coal mines will prosper once more and auto manufacturing will thrive anew despite decades of automation. Inner-city decay will be reversed. Tariffs on imports will rise but the cost of goods will not. Roads, bridges and airports will be rebuilt. Terrorists will be exterminated. People and corporations will get huge tax breaks. The wall will get built, and we’re still not paying for it.
That’s the Trump plan in this new era of magical thinking, details to come.
You’re damn right I’m going to Washington.
I’ll report back soon on whether I think we should give more thought to secession.
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