Emotional Intelligence and Romantic Relationships
He makes you feel giddy and mushy-gushy all over. But can your guy fight fairly and comfort you when you're feeling down? Before you say "I do," make sure he's got the emotional smarts to do right by you.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?

You've probably heard of IQ, which stands for "intelligence quota"—a person's score on an intelligence test that measures cognitive abilities. But it doesn't measure your ability to be emotionally intelligent—to respond to other people and situations in emotionally appropriate ways.

John Mayer and Peter Salovey proposed the concept of emotional intelligence in 1990 and Daniel Goleman gave it the impetus to become a household phrase in 1995 with the publication of his book, Emotional Intelligence. What made this concept so compelling is the discovery that people with high EI scores are typically more successful in their interpersonal relationships and in the workplace than those with lower EI scores.

Why High EI is So Important

Emotionally intelligent people manage themselves and their relationships productively by being conscious of their own and others' emotions and needs. They are trustworthy, conscientious, adaptable, achievement-oriented and responsive to opportunities. They get along and work well with others because they demonstrate strong empathy, leadership, conflict-management and communication skills.

Your emotionally intelligent guy would not lash out at a salesperson when the item he wanted wasn't in stock; or make fun of a person with a disability; or be dismissive of someone else's feelings. He would apologize if he realized he was hurting you; try to diffuse your anger by listening to your reason for being angry and demonstrating understanding for how you feel; and he would learn to do what you need him to do to help get you out of a funk.

Emotional IQ Tests

The Internet has a number of emotional IQ tests that your guy—and you—can take. Each one has a different approach to assessing emotional IQ. The test, "What is your emotional IQ?", is worth taking because it evaluates several aspects of your EI and suggests ways to improve it. This test even evaluates how well you really know yourself compared to how well you think you know yourself. The test has been researched and designed according to the American Psychological Association standards for educational and psychological testing, ensuring the results you'll get—in a detailed report—are reliable and valid. The full report costs $7.95.

Your Guy's Emotional Compatibility—Can It Be Improved?

If your guy's EI scores were low, but you think he still has potential, you may be right. EI can be improved, as long as a person wants and is willing to make an effort to improve. So if he?s willing to do what it takes, give him a chance.

Also, take the test yourself and share your results with your guy. It's the emotionally intelligent thing to do!

For more information visit danielgoleman.info,

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