ctnow.com/hc-shea-weakinreview-0721-20130719,0,2923523.column

CTnow

Jim Shea: It Was So Hot in Connecticut This Week …

How hot was it?

Jim Shea

12:48 PM EDT, July 19, 2013

Advertisement

Nothing happened in Connecticut last week.

It was too hot.

The temperature was into the 90s every day, and the heat index was off the charts?

Hold on, the heat index?

The heat index is like the wind chill factor, except it deals with hot instead of cold, but don't quote me on that. Science to me is kind of like spelling — everything is guesswork.

If wind chill factor sounds more ominous than heat index it is because it includes the word factor. Factor makes everything sound worse.

I mean, fear is one thing, Fear Factor is quite another. Same goes for risk and Risk Factor, x and X-Factor, O'Reilly, and the O'Reilly Factor. An exception to this rule, of course, would be Max and Max Factor.

Anyway.

The heat index (factor) is computed by combining air temperature and relative humidity to estimate how hot if feels on the human body.

At one time I think they called this the "misery index," although that calculation might have included such variables as how much your body sticks to leather, and the degree to which everyone is getting on your nerves.

Personally, I've always relied on the parking-lot index factor, which determines how wet the trip from your car to the office leaves your under arms.

And the stuck-in-traffic-without-air-conditioning index factor, a measurement that makes the misery index look like a guideline for wimps.

So, How Hot Was It?

(With apologies to Johnny Carson), it was so hot that …

Chicken were laying fried eggs.

The musicians in the band were snorting ice cubes.

Cows were giving evaporated milk.

Fire ants were carrying personal fans.

Robins were using potholder to pull worms out of the ground.

A Brinks truck had a screen door on it!

A fan was installed in the debt ceiling.

Two fire hydrants were seen fighting over a dog.

DOT Was Feeling The Heat

State engineers held an informational meeting with Hartford residents regarding the design of the ridiculously mandated Flower Street pedestrian bridge over the busway route. People didn't like the switchback design that will be required because of the nearby elevated highway. Although The Weak's endorsement of abandoning the bridge in favor of the existing walkway connector to Broad Street (aka The Funnel of Death) has been dismissed, The Weak remains committed to solving the problem. This week's proposal: zip lines.

Hot In New Haven

The five-way primary battle for the Democratic mayoral nomination in New Haven got a bit testy when it was revealed front-runner Toni Harp's late husband owed more than $1 million in back taxes. Another candidate charged that the Harp family business is the biggest slumlord in the city. Harp, a state senator, said she knows nothing about any of her late husband's business or dealings. This is what's known as a tough sell.

Weak Bits

Governor Malloy braved the tropical weather and travel about the state last week personally delivering checks for local city and town projects. This had nothing to do with politics or the 2014 election, Malloy said, and with a straight face no less.

The new wimpy distracted driving penalties have now gone into effect, which means a $500 fine for a third offense. A third offense, of course, should be life in prison without the possibility of parole.

As bad as things sometimes are, the one thing you can say about Connecticut's cities is at least they are not Detroit.

The Weak in Tweets

@jimboshea

Ozone Alert along coast, does that mean I shouldn't breathe between 11 to 11?

Thinking hell could qualify as a cooling center.

Finish this sentence. It was so hot that ...

Is the "heat index" just a new way of scaring people?

Feels like I woke up in a sponge.

Song of the Weak

(The heat wave playlist)

Heat Wave – Martha and the Vandellas

Hot Summer Nights – Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

The Heat Is On – Glenn Frey

Hot Fun in the Summertime – Sly and the Family Stone

Hot Town, Summer in the City – The Lovin' Spoonful

Long Hot Summer – Keith Urban

Hotter than Hell – Kiss

Hot, Hot, Hot – Buster Poindexter

This Planet's on Fire – Sammy Hagar

Too Hot to Move, Too Hot to Think – The Triffids

I Wish it Would Rain – the Temptations