Inside the royal birthing room:
Are you feeling all right, Kate?
Yes, quite, as to be expected.
Can I get you anything?
Perhaps a cup of ice would be good.
Cubed or shaved?
Either, Will, don't want to put you out.
Coming along, are we Kate?
As to be expected.
Is there anything I can do?
Just try and stay out of the nurses' way, dear.
How we doing, Kate, coming along?
Coming along? Why, do you have somewhere to be? Maybe you'd like to run out and play a game of squash like your grandfather did while your father was being born?
Sorry, I didn't mean to …
No, seriously, if you have to be somewhere we can put this off until you get back, no bother, really.
You, you're being sarcastic … aren't you?
Breathe, dear, come on, puff-puff-puff.
Will, you can stop. I only have to do the breathing exercise when I'm having a contraction.
Are they painful, the contractions?
Painful, you mean do I feel like strangling someone with my bare hands when I'm in the middle of one, like you for instance?
I think I'll see to more ice.
William, get the doctor, now!
Are you all right? Is there something wrong?
I need pain medication, lots of pain medication.
You know dear, traditionally, the royal family prefers natural childbirth.
Yeah, well a king must have started that tradition. Get the doctor NOW.
Right, will do. Stiff upper lip.
Get moving or I'll give you a stiff upper lip.
You, puff-puff-puff, did this, puff-puff-puff, to me. You, puff-puff-puff, had to have an heir. You, puff-puff-puff ...
I say, Kate, I've never seen this side of you. You look like the character in the Exorcist, like your head's about to spin around.
Is that, puff-puff-puff, a joke? You think this is, puff-puff-puff, funny? You think, puff-puff-puff, I won't get up from this chair and take your royal ass out?
He's marvelous, good show, Kate.
Thank you dear, couldn't have done it without you.
Um, Kate, some of those things you said …
Things? Whatever are you talking about, William?