My dog has fleas.
If I was tuning a ukulele this would not be a bad thing.
But I don't own a ukulele, and even if I did I don't understand how strumming it and repeating the phrase "my dog has fleas" would make it sound better, which, I guess, is among the reasons I don't play the ukulele.
The other reason, of course, is the ukulele is kind of a dorky musical instrument, although not as dorky as say the tuba, which is probably the instrument choice most regretted by musicians.
Not only is the tuba a hassle to lug around, it is so uncool that in the annals of recorded musical history there has never been a documented instance of a tuba player ever having even a single groupie.
Anyway, when I say my dog has fleas I mean my actual dog has actual fleas.
(Hang on for a second, I have to scratch.)
Although I am not positive that I have, in fact, contracted fleas from my dog, it is probably not a good sign that I keep wanting to scratch the side of my head with one of my feet.
If I don't have fleas I'm sure this will pass, but if it doesn't I don't know what protocol I should follow to rid myself of the pests.
I guess I'd start with flea powder and then if that doesn't do the trick go to a flea bath, which could be problematic because we don't have a bath tub and I'm not exactly sure how effective a flea shower would be.
A flea collar would be the next step. Flea collars are not as popular as they used to be because many dog owners prefer using a chemical treatment that is applied directly to the skin and absorbed into the body.
While I prefer the collar to the chemicals, I do have fashion concerns. I mean, I don't want to look like a guy trying to be something he is not. Maybe if I was Snoop Dogg or the singer Pit Bull I could put it off but absent their pedigree I'm worried that I'll come across as a wannabe.
Finally, who do I turn to if professional help is required, my doctor or the vet? Does my health insurance cover a vet visit? Could I go to the vet myself or would someone have to bring me? Would a leash be involved?
(Hang on, I have the sudden urge to repeatedly twirl around and chase my behind.)
